25 December, 2009

December 25

so many things since last post - raced 2 cyclocross races - had a couple of nice dates with a good friend - somehow have mostly found peace

today has to be the best holiday of the year - I got to see both my girls for several hours. They brought mom to my house and we visited with my brother and his girls. Missed seeing my sis. I dropped in on her yesterday and had a short visit and got a hug.

So, I must move past all this stuff that is out of my control. Mom gives me a gift that she knows (tells my Sister) that I won't like. She bought me clothes that are pink, I have never worn pink.

My girls spent Christmas Eve with my ex and in-laws and then spent the night with their Dad. They are going to spend tomorrow with him for his birthday. This is great for him and I truly am glad. But why do I have to have these nasty feelings of self pity? Spent my birthday alone? pushing them away, trying to tear them up and burn them I disappoint myself with these thoughts.

Tomorrow is a new day - I will take Mom home - I will ride my bike - I will read - I will meditate - I will find some peace

I need to think and plan. I need to put these thoughts of romance away. I should be practical. right? right? right?

accept ourselves and others, be real, be vulnerable, be ugly, be beautiful, be weak, be strong, laugh and weap

17 December, 2009

much to learn

"seeing what is small is called insight, abiding in softness is called strength" lao tzu

I keep making the same mistakes - I need to learn how to abide in softness - how to enjoy now - how to be fulfilled as I am - only time will tell

meditation is helping me be more grounded and less anxious - I need much more practice though


03 December, 2009

Tears keep streaming

down my cheeks. They come from nowhere some days. Seems there's no rhyme or reason. But then at times there's plenty of reason.

Today I was reminded about a film showing tomorrow at UofL. It's about an underground abortion service in Chicago before it became legal. As I was rereading the synopsis I noticed one of the attendees posted a link to their blog. She writes about her experiences as an escort for clients visiting the clinic here in town. It's difficult to read about people getting up into someone's face and calling them names as they walk to the clinic. These women have made some very difficult decisions in their lives. It bothers me to hear people call others names and berate them, judge them. So many are full of so much hate. We need more love and kindness in this world.

I am struggling with other things. Me mostly. I have friends. I have acquaintences. I don't know how to go about meeting more people. It seems at times that I am not as socially skilled as I once thought.I am too needy.

How does one go about this dating thing? 'cause I have messed it up plenty. just can't seem to go slow enough. be quiet long enough. but then I approach all people in the same manner, doesn't matter if we've dated or just friends. I email or text, ask questions make commentary. Wear people out or down or both. How do I find patience? How can I be satisfied with just me? I feel so turbulent inside sometimes. Like a pot of boiling water and can't turn down the heat and before you know it it's exhausted and empty. Is this my hormones? Is this from the Chantix? or is this just a character flaw that I've had since the beginning of time? Is it the cloudy days and lack of riding out doors? I don't know

I want to laugh and smile enough to balance the tears.

02 December, 2009

It was right there

within reach. I just wanted to hold hands or touch an arm. It was a great day and a new adventure for me. I knew I shouldn't, so I didn't. A while back I was told to get over it. Think I have and then I haven't.

Such a newbie. Making all kinds of mistakes, for sure. Trying to learn. It's not easy. shit

30 November, 2009

after Thanksgiving and my first CX race

preface - apologies for it being so long! I am not known for my brevity. That's another lesson I could learn from B2

First, let me say that I went back and forth about buying a bike for cyclocross. Many times. As you know I had borrowed one so I could work on skilz and drilz. It's a nice bike, but coming in at 25 or more pounds is heavier than I wanted to invest in. So I worked with a couple of local bike shops, inquiring price, components, weight, financing, etc. Friday I bought a red and white Van Dessel Hole Shot, 12 months same as cash, good price and nice bike.

So, I rode it Friday for a short 40 minutes as the sun was setting too quickly to stay out longer. A very few mounts/dismounts and runups. Then, not knowing what to expect I rode it 30 miles with the club on Saturday morning. Now, it was 38F at the ride start and I wasn't sure how my asthma would do except when I rode Thanksgiving morning with fellow Rogues in cold temps I was fine. Cross bikes have fat tires that are somewhat knobby, not heavy duty like mountain bike tires though. The chain rings are more compact at 46/36, so you wind up spinning much more than on a road bike with a 51 or larger ring. I tried to take this ride easy, not sure if that worked for or against me for race day.

Sunday I got up @4am, dressed, ate and put the bike on the car. Drove to a friend's place, moved my gear to his car and left for Dayton about 5:45. He hadn't slept much at all. Despite that we had a very nice 2.5 hour drive. We arrived an hour before my race start. As we pulled into the park my stomach started feeling weird and I muttered a few things. B2 said, "just calm down". Exactly what I needed, firm yet level headedness. Went to register, but they weren't ready to register people. So we went back to the car and changed. Funny, 2 people of opposite gender in the front seat under beach towels, changing clothes. Humor is important when you are a nervous wreck with race jitters! Pump up the tires, take off the tool bag, check list...

We prerode the course, we had about 35 minutes til my race start. I reached a technical section and wasn't looking ahead, where I should be going, but right in front of my front wheel. Couldn't turn sharp enough and pedal or unclip so I fell. Embarrassed, but up and keep going. I sell a second time on a technical part. The whole preride I kept thinking, this is a long course. It had everything, off camber portions, single track, double track, 180 degree turns around trees and boulders, barriers and 2 DEEP sandpits. Preriding the course was good for me. I made the mistakes before race time. Not to say I didn't make mistakes during the race, but I didn't fall during the race.

It was about 42F and the race start was about 100 yards or so down the hill on pavement. I was warm from preriding, but not warm enough (wish I'd been on the trainer some too). Standing at the start, in the shade and a brisk breeze blowing was cooling me down too fast. There were about 30 women in the race, 12 in the 35+ master's race. I'm not aggressive enough and didn't line up where I should've. Gotta be smarter about that!

At the start I was able to pass quite a few by the time we got to the grass. The second technical turn found 2 women down right in front of me, but I managed to pedal past them somehow. My adrenaline kicked in and my heart raced and I tried to stay on a wheel in front once we hit the straight section. All was going fairly well until I got to the geasy muddy single track in the woods. First I attempt to pass this woman and she moved into me her rear wheel meeting my front wheel. I bounced off of her with no problems, but again I expended too much energy with that. A few minutes later we are going through a tight s-curve through 3 trees and my rear wheel fishtailed The racer behind me gasped. I lost some steam. After that once we hit the grass I thought everyone had passed me. I kept everyone in sight through 2 laps, but couldn't get enough power to bridge up. I decided I was going to ride and learn. I worked through my gears, tried to find a sweet spot for different sections. I was happy with the off camber, the sand pits and the barriers. I wasn't thrilled about my remounts from the barriers though. Just no fluidity of movement. It was great having B2 cheer for me as I came by (he was on his trainer). That helped me refocus on the race quite a bit. When I finished I was exhausted, but happy I finished and didn't fall. I stayed in the pedals the entire race except for the barriers and the last 2 feet of the 2nd sand pit on the last lap.

When I got finished the Cat 4 master's were already lined up at their start. I had no oxygen in my brain, but I knew I wanted to get pictures of Brians race, so I rode to the car and grabbed the camera and back to watch. I snapped a few but didn't catch him in any. I went to the sand pit and snapped a couple but was freezing and remember my jacket was at the start. As I rode past the parking lot Cooper yelled congrats and Christian said I finished 9th. I was like, no way. I kept going to get my jacket and rode back to check the finish. They were right! 9th out of 11 finishers with 1 DNF Ok, think. There were 3 laps to go so I changed into dry clothes and went back to watch the last 2 laps of Brian's race. I finally got a couple of decent pictures with him in the frames.

I started back on my Advair 2 weeks ago, one puff a day. Other than about 20 minutes of coughing after the race, I felt great. No wheezing! While I'd love to be drug free, I'm thinking that's a pipe dream. Between growing up with smokers and having smoked for 3.5 decades, I should be thankful I can ride and race my bike like I do.

I have great team mates and friends and family members. Yesterday was the best way for me to wrap up Thanksgiving weekend. I'm not sure I tell people enough throughout the year how thankful I am that they are part of my life. BUT please know this, I am so thankful you are. I love each one of you. You've given me good stuff.

26 November, 2009


I have so very much to be thankful for, too much to list. Always the standard things.

But right now am a big dolt, a weenie. stupid feeling all sorry for myself.

24 November, 2009


is impossible for me. I keep trying, breathing, meditating. I think too much. Say too much.

I'm venturing out, last two Friday's or maybe three, solo date night. It's getting a little easier. Still feels awkward though.

I have some very good friends. But still no one I can say anything to uncensored. It would be nice to hold hands or have an arm around my shoulder.

I have 5 days off work, maybe I can find the stillness I require. Increase the love within and share it - get what you give, right?

21 November, 2009

The 4 Bs

Bikes, Bells, Beers, and Boys - not necessarily in that order

So, I borrowed the cross bike from DR's wife last weekend. I've been on it 3 or 4 times. Segal was kind enough to offer some guidance in drillz and skillz. He met me on Thursday and Friday.

Thursday we started with an "easy warm-up" lap. Okay, easy for him but took all I had to stay on his wheel and lost it a few times. Was good though. Told me how to gear, stay in drop, keep eyes on destination. I love the sand, even if I fall down.

Next was mount/dismount. Still having issues getting clipped in my shoes. Seems about the time I get in, it's time to dismount. I fell once trying to get back on the bike. Rammed my leg under the saddle instead of over and had my bodyweight committed to being over the bike. crunch! I laughed and laughed. Got back up and did some more. Then we went back on the course and did the barriers a few times. Segal showed me where to grab the bike to get it high enough to clear the ones @ RRCC. They are taller than most. Then we practiced the stair run-ups. forty minutes and I was wiped out.

Friday, I arrived before he did. I did a warm-up lap, to the best my memory allowed. I then went to mount/dismount practice. Still have issues clipping in. Took another spill. Segal had pulled in and saw me go down. Funny! We did a lap and I told him to go on. I was already winded. I did a couple of barriers and stairs and went for water. Next time I need to have air or a pump. That way I can ride on lower pressure which should help out a lot in cornering, etc. Just need to air them back up so I can ride home comfortably.

Today was race day #1 in Indianapolis. We couldn't stay for the women's race, 2 Rogues represented but I've not heard results. The 2 Brian's raced today and I rode with them. Not as good results as last week, it was a tough course and large field. But still respectable. Tomorrow we go back with a larger men's contingent.

My ass hurts! All this cross practice I must be using new muscles. When I got home today I jumped on the bike and rode for an hour and a half. Was good til I flatted about 4 blocks from home. No worries. The weather has been fantastic, so just pushed the bike home and enjoyed the walk.

18 November, 2009

Quick, short trip to RRCC tonight.

Mostly just wanted to test pedals and feel the bike out. Pedals are definitely different, but not in a bad way. Still having issues getting clipped in on my left foot for some reason. By the time I got to the course it was 4:30 and everyone was on the course, except Catherine. She looks to be about 11. She asked to tagalong with me. Ha! I said it'd be best for me to tagalong with her, 'cause I don't know the course. She said only the fast kids showed up tonight and she's too slow to keep up with them. Yeah, well this old lady had all she wanted and more trying to hang with Catherine. We did the "regular loop". It was a little soggy and muddy. Nothing like getting mud spattered all over and sprayed in your face.

I have so much fitness to gain if I want to do this right. I started wheezing, but not horribly, once I got home. Since my asthma kicked in last week I started back on the Advair. I wonder if I'd have it if I'd never smoked. Doesn't matter really, I have it and I smoked for too long.

As daylight dwindled and people gathered to leave, Luke Haley asked me if I was at Columbus on Sunday. He said, "I heard you cheering for me, but didn't know who you were". So, I introduced myself and said he'll probably hear me yelling his name for some time to come. Nice young man that Luke. Those RedZone kids are great people.

So, I send this email to the Rogue crossers. They are trying to get me to race this weekend. LOL I told them I have no skills. I've never jumped a barrier and done any technical sharp turns. I can see myself talking down rows of tape or worse. That would be no way to represent the team! Give me the next two weeks. See if I can make time working on drills and skills. Then I'll DFL at STG.

14 November, 2009

stupid asthma

came back, WTF Had an episode Thursday after the trainer. Then on Friday went for an hour + ride before sunset and it hit me 10 minutes into the ride. Took me 45 minutes to ride 10 miles. My inhalers are almost spent and can't refill before Dec 3. Hate this shit! Going back to the Advair once a day for now, see if that helps.

Went to see egret at the Swan Dive last night. Another solo date night. Music was good, at least first and last acts. Drank too much and didn't get to bed til almost two am. I am so out of shape for late night fun. I slept in way late. Spent an extraordinary day off the bike.

Going to bed now. Getting up at 4 to catch a 5 am ride to Columbus with team mates. They are racing and I am cheering

12 November, 2009

Melancholy times

I need some high vibrations. A good friend is close to death.

I saw my sister and hugged her today. First time since August.

My horoscope read today: The next year and a half is a time of many changes for you. There will be restructuring in your life, and especially in your career. Don't be afraid to let your current job crumble so that you can start over with something new - something you enjoy.

After the recent changes this makes me think three times. What does a 51+ woman do as far a career change?

So maybe it's not cool to say this here but I'd really like to get laid. I miss sex. Riding the bike is great fun and helps release a lot of the built up tension, but it doesn't quite cut it.

09 November, 2009

another first

I was so tired last night after the 60 miles on Saturday (legs felt it all day Sunday) and spending a full day cheering friends at the cross race. At some point about 11:30 or so I woke up on the couch. Sitting back in a reclined sorta. I've not done that since I moved. Well, post crash doesn't count.

I was disoriented and turned off the receiver and lights and climbed into bed. No wits about myself at all. Almost like a drunken stupor. Bad thing this morning! when I finally got up after 8 am the sandalwood candle was still burning (thank goodness it's a nice big size) and the door was unlocked.

I took my time getting up, eating and such. Why get in a hurry if it's vacation, right? I got dressed and took my bike for an all afternoon jaunt. I went to Clarksville, Shawneed, Iroquois, Old Louisville, Highlands and home. I wasn't in any hurry to get anywhere, but got in a few good efforts just the same. 48 miles in 3:15. I made a couple of stops and the time out and about closer to 5 hours.

I was starving by the time I got home. So glad that I had soaked the 13 beans the other evening and cooked them in mushroom stock. All vegan dish! I'm pooped and happy. The weather is still warm enough to have the windows open, comfortably. Life is good. I rode with no real plan and loved my day

08 November, 2009

Cyclocross @Promotion in Lexington

Rogue had a fantastic day in cross. The weather was unbelievable for 8 November. The afternoon saw mid 70s and not a cloud in the sky. The morning started in low 50s, but the course was dry and fast.

I was fortunate to have a fellow Rogue and good friend give me a lift to the venue. Always better to have company in the car each way, for me anyway.

My world keeps growing with new friends and acquaintances. The youth are having so much fun! Why wouldn't they, many are racing against and beating the adults on the course. I think it's the one sport that competitors want to reach 35 so they can race masters and deal with the teen/pre-teen-agers. LOL They are very strong cyclists!

I have cheered several times this fall and bragged about not losing my voice. But tonight it's starting to be very raspy and fading.

The 60 miles yesterday in the wind has my arse and legs sore and tired. After standing and walking a few hours this morning my legs were tight so I stretched out a bit through the afternoon. Now, I am very tired and it's 8:15! There's one or two things I'd like to be doing, but takes another person and don't have one.

On vacation tomorrow. I think the weather is supposed to be good so will ride with abandon, no plan.


07 November, 2009

Something new all the time

It's been an interesting life and I've experienced lots of years and learned quite a bit. But something I'm finding out is I am clueless when it comes to dating. Now, I never really dated, unless dating at 16 cxounts, which it doesn't.

I either come on too much one way or another; aloof or overpowering. geez this is gonna take a while What I have found out is that I just need to have fun. Meet some intelligent and hopefully funny people. I have met many, but dating has been limited.

Will just have to see how all this unfolds

05 November, 2009

Limited mostly by myself

There is so much more I could be doing. Trying to figure out what the next things should be.

Today, I finally "got it" on the rollers. I've been on them about 3 times before and never got past the fear of falling. So before today the entire time I was expending energy holding onto the chair and the wall. Those suckers are all slippery! Not really, but closest adjective I can find.
I got home from work and was getting ready for a club ride, when I realised I missed it. Ditz, had the wrong time. As I readied to get on the trainer I was thinking about it being time to give the rollers back to their owner. I looked over at them and thought, "I can do this".

I got all my stuff; phone book and wood block to stand on, towel for the sweat, fan, kitchen chair. The hardest part was getting my second hand on the bars. First couple of times I used my shoulder (newly fixed one) to steady against the wall. I knew I had to get my cadence up, but my gait was so uneven! Finally after about 5-8 minutes I achieved a good cadence, but still didn't feel in control. I remembered a previous conversation and shifted to my big chain ring and moved into my 15. control! I reached a good cadence and was drenched! I stopped and opened windows for a cross breeze. The last 10 minutes was fun. I just watched the odometer and listened to World Cafe' and focussed on the window.

I have a long way to go before roller races (if they happen). But I know I can do it now. Crazy; start riding a bike (again) at 49, first race at 50, first broken bones at 51. If I can do this, anyone can. All it takes is setting a bar and working to attain it.

The thing is there are more things I can do with my time. I just need to get better organized and decide what those things should be. hmm

04 November, 2009

Budgets, planning, research

So it can be an expensive sport/hobby/interest. Cycling that is. And I've been pondering if I should: hire a coach, upgrade my road bike, buy a cross bike, put power on my current road bike, upgrade my HR monitor as it needs work since my crash and lost the sensor.

Can't afford a coach for now, that's a monthly payment I'm not willing to make. yet So, I've been reading and learning and now trying to put together a training plan for 2010, that should have started on Monday. Building the spreadsheet and a friend or two said they'd look it over for me.

Cross bike - should I wait til season is over and find something used? There's a deal on a new 09, at least I think it's a deal.

So I emailed a friend about all this research and learning and wonder if at the end all of this is too much for me to afford. They said, "quit now!" boy that was helpful NOT.

Maybe I should go ahead and borrow some $$, but I don't want to. Wishy Washy much? yes - and think too much and and and and and

01 November, 2009

Long weekend again

So, I worried about Friday as the forecast called for rain all day. It rained Thursday, so I rode the trainer after work. Then Friday morning the rain ended early and moved on out, so I posted I was going to ride on FB any takers? VP called and said she and C were riding. We met up and rode to Iroquois, did the hill and went around the park and repeated the hill before heading home. Beautiful weather with leaves raining all around us. It was 70F f*ing degrees on Oct 30th.

I also bought tickets to a concert on a last minute whim. Went to see the Avett Brothers. Thing is, I called and emailed and posted to try and take someone. No takers so I went solo. Need to get used to this solo stuff and try to enjoy it. Not so easy for me. Learning, slowly.

Saturday was much cooler, it rained Friday evening late and into early Sat morning but ended around sun up. I knew I wanted to ride, but slept in and missed the Halloweenie ride in Indiana. Again I posted that I was riding for undetermined time to destinations unknown. VP and P were leaving for a ride, but too soon for me to join. So I took off solo and wandered a bit, headed downtown and found a headwind. Turned south and found an even stronger headwind. I think it was following me head on! :) Wound up dropping in on a friend at work for a short chat. Then on my way home ran into 5 peeps and joined their ride to Shawnee. Got in 33+ miles and it was so good riding with others instead of solo.

Halloween was another first, walked down Hillcrest and attended to Open House/parties solo. Oh my, the food was great and saw some creative costumes. One girl was Archeologist Barbie and a fellow came in as Liberace in a green tux with his own candlabra! funny

Today was cyclocross at Gun Club in Cincy. Wow what a beautiful day of sunshine. I drove, took a team mate along and cheered all day. VP came in first in Women's cat 3, ShamWow got 5th in cat 4, Segal came in 17 in Masters 35+ and B2 brought in 10 for Masters 45+ FUN Times, I love these people. All of them are very special. You'll have to check out the race report on Lovethepain.net as I only cheered, others did the hard work racing.

28 October, 2009

USGP weekend was a blast!

This continues from my prior post. Sunday morning was dry and cold. I got up early and fretted about how much to wear. Finally decided to ride the bike to RRCC, wore layers and carried shoes and jeans with me.

I arrived about 7:45 There seemed to be some concern over not enough volunteers. ML sent me with 2 others to Gates 2 and 3. They were already covered with some folks. Went to gate 4 and it was covered. So I headed back to #1, the Green Monster!. There were only 2 people there and 4 is optimum for crowd control.

Since the first race didn't go off until 8:30 I was lucky enough to view the entire morning of races from this spot. Rogue was well represented in the Mens Cat 4 and Cat 3 races as well as the Women's Cat 4 and 3 races. It was an exciting and fun morning. There were enough volunteers to show up mid-morning that I was able to retire my post by 11:30 and join the team at the team tent. The beer was flowing! We had such fun watching the top men and women race. We ran from one point to another to catch as much of the race as possible.

I'm very fortunate to be part of this team. Some race, some photograph and I cheer and ring the cowbell (at least this year).

Last night it raned out the last BBC ride of the year. I rode the trainer and got in a good sweat and nice spin. My right calf has had a knot in it since Friday night, following test riding those bikes. After standing all day Saturday and Sunday it was quite painful Sunday night and Monday. Maybe the trainer helped, it's not as bad as it was.

It's already Wednesday and memories are fading too quickly. Much work to be done before I leave the office tomorrow. It seems since I decided to take most Fridays off this month Mother Nature has decided those are the days for rainfall. No sour grapes. I'll find some other fun things to occupy my time.

Heading out for a night ride later. First one in a while. I've tried to recruit a few people to join in. We'll ride from Hogan's to Iroquois and back. Now to locate the headlight and make sure the batteries are good.


24 October, 2009

Long weekend

started Thursday evenin' with a movie, Race Across the Sky. A 100 mile mountain bike race in Colorado, which Lance Armstrong won this year 3 weeks after the Tour de France. It was a great time in very good company.

Friday, I slept in. Took a leisurely morning and then went for a massage session with Christine. This one was very, very good. She even commented on how far I've come since the broken bones. I left her feeling full of high vibrations and smiles. I made my way to the LBS and proceeded to test drive some bicycles. I had given forewarning to the mechanic (best wrench in town). He worked patiently with me, going through the inventory, locating sizes that should work for test rides. Eventually, I wound up riding 5 bikes. I didn't have proper shoes, so tested barefoot for too long. We improvised. The biggest lesson I learned is that I have expensive taste and need to start saving to get what I want.

Stayed up too late and hit the snooze too much this morning! But I got to the cross course by 8 and had a job assignment by the start of the first race. Rogue Racing Project had representation throughout much of the day! It was a dark, cool, wet morning and then the wind picked up. BUT that wind blew the clouds away about lunch time and the sun shone and warmed up the course and the winds dried the mud. Good times! Great racing and competition and comraderie, even between teams. We were all pulling for each other. Michael W just started racing and has been in top 5 in his Cat since the first. Brooke is racing for the first time and is in the top 50% each time out. Michael S achieved 29 out of 100 after taking time off following IMLOU in August.

This long weekend has seen many things in my personal family life, mother and daughers.

Tomorrow will start early! Another day of racing. Zack won't be racing as he crashed and was gashed in some way. Wound up with 20 stitches, but still finished the race. B2 will be racing. A team friend couldn't race today due to a chronic hamstring injury.

I'm looking forward to a third day off work, a lot of fun racing and friends and more sunshine!

peace out

16 October, 2009

Roller adventures - part 1

Oli has been kind and let me borrow her spare cx bike and most recently her rollers. Rollers are used for indoor workouts, much like trainers. However on a trainer your bike is fixed in place. The bike is free flowing on rollers. There are 3 cylinders which are 18" - 24" long. They are placed onto a frame, spaced so the rear wheel fits between two and the front wheel sits on top of a single cylinder.

So, I get these home and after work Thursday decide to give them a ride. Get on my gear, setup a kitchen chair to balance on, set the rollers in the hallway so I can have a hand on a wall. Trying to cover the bases 'cause I don't want anymore broken bones. I get on the bike, clip in one foot and just spin the rear wheel for 1/4 rotation. This was hard and the front wheel kept going to the left. I worried it would ride right off of the cylinder. After about 10 minutes, I gave up and setup the trainer for an hour workout.

Halfway through the trainer, I'm looking at the rollers in the hallway and I have this "light bulb" Good Grief Sherri Jane! I had the bike on the rollers backwards. The rear wheel was on the single cylinder and the front wheel was between the two. geez louise

So, at the end of my workout I put the bike back on the rollers the correct way and get on. So much better when your setup correctly! It's still not an easy thing to do. This is going to take me awhile to do without holding the wall or chair. Hope to try it again soon.

My energy level has dropped considerably these last two weeks. I've put on weight, and want to sleep and eat and not much else. I gotta get out of this funk! Off to Radio Shack to see if I can get what I need to hook up the TV, Cable box, Receiver and DVD so they will work along with the surround sound system. hmm another adventure!

13 October, 2009

Unusual times

so much change at times I feel I've gained such wealth; other times I grieve over losses.

My daughter was contacted by an old friend's niece on Facebook. Her uncle, my and my ex-husband's friend, is dying of cancer. I don't know details. Am supposed to get his contact info and will call him as soon as I do. This makes me sad.

I've lost a couple of friends lately, not to death or illness. I'm not 100%, but think it's been due to my stupidity, insensitivity, oblivious beyond my own nose.

11 October, 2009

Finally a week with some mileage

I need to go back to my FlightDeck and see if I can browse through the days as I've not updated my spreadsheet since before the crash. It has a huge hole of nothingness.

Struggling to remember when/what I rode this week. I'm thinking I did an abbreviated Sunday ride on the 4th (20ish) and then the recovery ride on Monday (12), nothing Tuesday. Then along came Wednesday with 50.7 over 3:30 ride time. Nothing Thursday or Friday, I could've squoze (is that right?) one in between the rain maybe.

Saturday was Tim's show and go ride for pancakes to the Chat N Nibble in Eminence, KY. 56 miles on a cool and overcast day. The sun did come out for the last 10 miles which was welcome and a nice way to wrap up the ride. Ride time was 3:15 and I am looking back with a smile. My front derailleur would not let me down shift to my small chain ring about 10-15 miles into the ride. I pulled a few rollers in my big ring and finally just stopped the bike. Manually put it in my small ring and restarted. Nice that Rick and Kelly stopped with me. We got to the restaurant after everyone else. Tim said we weren't too far behind. I was soaked with sweat and pulled off my arm warmers and vest and unzipped my jersey halfway. I had on a light base layer so was covered. I couldn't imagine having pancake sit on my belly for the 28 miles back, so opted for OJ and coffee with my trail mix of raisins, cranberries and walnuts.

Went to the Twinspires inaugural team party last night. Still not sure why I got the invite, but had a blast. Jon made some wicked chili and Sara made this vegetable salad with sweet potatoes and corn that was delish! YUMMY! I hadn't eaten much after the ride, just a banana and few crackers with peanut butter.

Today's ride was 22 miles. I got to Lexington with the front pack and was feeling fairly good. Then this guy, Charlie, winds up in front of me. He can't hold a line at all and is always passing on the right. I dropped back and took Spring. Didn't feel like doing all those traffic lights so I rode the balance solo. Wind on River Road kept changing direction. My legs were heavy from yesterday's ride. I'm really tired now. But it's a good tired.

Just waiting for B and M to call. Team mates needed a ride to Cincy so I lent them my car. They raced CX and did very well I understand. Good for them!!!

Going to make this peach cobbler tonight if I have to stay up late to do it. I've been talking about it since Thursday. :-)

09 October, 2009

Vacation Friday

slept in, it rained all night and I had closed the windows except for the most miniscule crack. The times I started to stir, I opened my ears and listened to the rain lull me back to sleep. Though this has been a lax, lazy day I did vacuum, mop, and pick up a bit along with looking at the finances again. I visited Christine, she does me good. Such a wonderful massage and spritual treatment. I am blessed to have her in my life. She came just at the right time. The moments before I met her I was at my wits end, overwhelmed with all I'd experienced so far this year. Though I broke some bones after meeting her, she helped me get on track and heal body and mind.

Back to my waking moments, I had this vision. I've had it before. Familiar sight that was full of sensuality and eroticism. At first I pushed this vision away. But it would return, as I vac'd or mopped. What do I do? I fear the vision is just a pipedream, a moment long lost now.

07 October, 2009

Vacation day!

What a beautiful day Mother Nature handed us! I set the alarm for 5:15 and had a nice leisurely morning until about 7:30 when I realised how late it was. I had to put the rack on the car, pack my gear, get dressed, load the bike and pack the car. Got my HR going by running up and down the stairs 4 times.

Arrive at the ride start about 8:45. First decision, how much and what to wear since the temp was 52 and windy. So glad I opted for arm and leg warmers with the wind vest and new LTP cap. We had about 15 show up for this ride. Great group of people, most I already knew. They kept saying we'd have a relaxed pace. So I laid in behind the front 4 or 5. I'm still trying to understand who's definition of "relaxed pace" we were going by. :-)

We travelled through countryside with the sun shining all around. Mallards and geese are migrating. Vultures were out in force. There were a few dogs, most behind fences. Early on someone said, "is that thunder?" I responded that it was Fort Knox soldiers on maneuvers, shooting their big guns.

It was a great 50 mile ride to Bernheim Forest with good people. We stopped for lunch at the Country Cupboard in Shepherdsville and had a nice home-cooked meal.

My butt muscles are tender and that feels great! My shoulders are tired and sore, but who cares after a day like today. When I got home, I was a whooped puppy. I laid my body down and took a nice nap. And after the nap I had a long hot bath. Boy I miss that whirlpool tub with jets.

My oldest and her hubby came to dinner. It was so nice to cook for someone again. Fresh brussel sprouts with butter sauce and steamed asparagus with raspberry vinagrette along with salmon. yum!

06 October, 2009

random things

sometime late last year (or early this year) I had a flat tire on my car. Put on the doughnut and went to get the flat fixed. They said the rim was cracked, but filled it with Fix-A-Flat. It was fine until Friday night. While going out with friends it went flat again.

So, Monday I call the salvage yards and find a wheel. Drive out to get it only to find out they are backed up and it would be today before they could have it pulled for me to pick up. So, let me tell you how much fun it is to drive 48 MPH on the interstate. NOT! At one point a semi was On My Bumper! what good did that do? There were 5 lanes to choose from and I was in the slow lane. gee whiz

Finally taking a vacation day tomorrow and Friday. There's a club ride to Bernheim Forest! Should be fun

05 October, 2009

Tour de Louisville

Yesterday was my first experience at watching a real cyclocross race. What adrenaline and effort, lung-busting someone called it. Plenty of my team mates were coughing for some time following their respective races.

Liz and I rode out to the venue. Early Sunday morning, we felt traffic would be acceptable and took Taylorsville Rd from one end all the way past Gene Snyder to New Hopewell. It was a refreshing 17 mile ride and relatively little trafffic. We arrived in plenty of time to see the first race at 10:30 and watched until about 2:00. Five Rogue women raced yesterday as did five Rogue men. Nice to see our team be so competitive! There was steep competition in all categories. We missed Oli's Women's 1/2/3 race unfortunately.

The ride back was made up of more back roads, some of which is part of the Old Kentucky Home Tour route back from Bardstown. Nice to have the Dan Henry's show us the way! Then we took a familiar club ride route from Tom Sawyer park to what we wanted to be River Road and points west. We did that eventually, after your's truly makes a right turn onto Wolf Pen Branch and adds several miles and a number of tough hills. OUCH! I apologized several times to Liz, so nice that she is good-natured and a seasoned cyclist. I'm still "getting my legs back", really more aerobic fitness. I won't complain much about the added miles and hills, as that was a good test. The main problem I had with the ride was the pack I carried on my back. Instead of wide backpac straps, it just has strings. I carried a second kit and pair of jeans and shoes out to the race. I carried my jacket, leggings, long-sleeved jersey, cap, gloves, etc on the way back. The return home was 32.5 miles.

My shoulder (with plate and screws) was getting more and more tender as I got closer and closer to home. This morning both arms, elbows, shoulders and neck muscles were talking to me. Longest mileage yet, 50 yesterday. I have so much work to do to get where I want to be!

There was a dinner party for the team and several friends of Rogue last evening. Delicious food, great company and tasty beerverages were in abundance!

It's time to take a hard look at the budget and see if I can find funds for a coach. If funds aren't there I'll have to get creative in getting and keeping my motivation. Looking at goals for next year. 1) get past my fear of going downhill fast 2) participate and finish in as many of the Spring Series as is practical 3) Improve my performance at Master's Natz over 2009. If I don't get #1, might as well forget 2 and 3.

27 September, 2009

Slow Progress

for both running and riding. Went out to run this morning and just couldn't keep the HR to a decent level. Spent most of the time, even walking time, trying to relax my breathing. See how tomorrow goes. I've got to get 3 good runs in this week and then go longer this weekend.

Rode club ride this afternoon. Spent all the way til Ledges solo and the group passed me. Caught them at Lexington and Grinstead and thought I'd hang for a bit. There were a couple of squirrely dudes out there, passing on the right, not holding their line. I backed off. Joe found my wheel and we went down Lexington. I wasn't in the mood for all the traffic lights today. Stop and go gets annoying. He and I took turns pulling all the way down River Road. Was a very windy day. The racers caught us just before the curve in advance of Glenview. Kept them in sight til the first incline.

It was nice to do 20 and 21 mph again. It felt good hitting 23/24 a few times, too. I must get past being nervous in a group. If I know the riders, I'm good for the most part. Time to stop making excuses or change my goals.

21 September, 2009

Last day of summer 09

is today. Tomorrow day = night and then the nights grow longer. I keep having the overwhelming waves of sadness. There seems to be no apparent reason, but I start to tear up out of the blue. So, if you see me and my eyes are glistening, don't worry. Seems to be very normal this year.

My baby girl is going back to school. She got grants to pay for tuition, but didn't cover books. Damn those suckers cost some $$. Oh well, it was time to cut back on the beer and coffee budget. I could cancel my trip to San Antonio, but not gonna do that. Even if it's only 3 days, I need to get away.

Hello Autumn. Look forward to some long rides and beautiful colours.

19 September, 2009

Out of my mind

is where we should spend most of our time according to the book I'm reading. Makes sense. I think too much, then muck everything up real well.

Rode the longest ride since my crash this morning, approx 36 or 37 miles. I took off on the front and hung til 6th, then backed off. I rode solo the majority of the ride. Jumped on one wheel for a few, but just wasn't comfy as I didn't know the person. I'd find a sweet spot and hit 20mph on occasion. Mostly, I stayed more like 16 or 17 and then once I got back to UofL after Iroquois, I was under 15mph. My shoulders really started to fatigue about mile 22 and went downhill from there. By the time I got to Zorn I was in tears because my shoulders ached so badly.

Tomorrow is my first cyclo cross race and I'll be cheering with cowbell. Lot's of people to cheer on, too.

I was ready for bed at 8:30, it's 9 and think I'll head that way. Days are growing short, I worked harder today than I have in a while.

ps I've slept all night with no wakeups or potty breaks two nights in a row. I wonder why? liquid minerals maybe? hope whatever I'm doing, I keep doing ;-)

17 September, 2009

Pulmonary specialist

I really like this doc. I've been seeing him for several years now. Asthma is a nasty condition and I aggravated it terribly by smoking tobacco for too many years.

When I had my bike crash the x-ray tech (or maybe radiologist whoever reads this stuff) made a note on my chart and the ER doc called to tell me they noticed an enlarged nodule in my upper right lung. I finally called the pulmonary specialist to get an appt for my annual and mentioned to his PA what happened. The following week they called and moved my appt up a month. I went for my annual check-up and Doc ordered a CT scan w/out contrast. He couldn't use the one from the Ortho surgeon because it had contrast and showed bones only. ;-)

I had the CT on Monday after work. I missed a call from the doc today, he left a message to call with no info. I immediately called back and then called twice more through the afternoon. The last time was right before 5, he had left for the day and forgot to call me. Talk about being annoyed and I said that wasn't very thoughtful. They had his PA call me back. She said that the CT showed an enlarged nodule and that it has smooth edges. Normally they will follow it for 2 years with another CT in 6 months. Good, I think. I started asking questions, like do I need antibiotics, etc. She then said that she will have the doc call me tomorrow.

I'm thinking this is nothing. Now that she called me back that is. She said if the nodule had raged or spikey edges it would be a different story. I didn't ask what that would entail since it's not the case.

I smoked tobacco for 35 years. I know I damaged my body. I know the risk involved here. One day at a time is how I have to approach this, as this is how I have to approach all aspects of my life right now.

One of my first thoughts was how would I deal with something major like that being on my own. But I'm not on my own. I have a wonderful family and many good friends. I also have me and I am a strong person.

This has been a long, tiring week. This has been a year full of many life changes. What a wonderful adventure life is. Tomorrow is a new day and the sun will rise and shine on someone somewhere.

peace to all of you and yours

15 September, 2009

Sad times

More change, more people let go. Change is constant, go with it or be left behind. But it's exhausting. Feels like battle fatigue. I think this is 6 times in as many quarters now.

My best wishes that they find work that is more inspiring and this is ultimately a blessing for them.

12 September, 2009

12 September 2009

started at 5:40am but then punched snooze twice. Beautiful day by Mother Nature. She smiled and smiled on us today.

I drove to my old stomping grounds this morning and volunteered at SAG #2 for the Old Kentucky Home Tour. It was across the street from the Country Pantry, less than a mile from my house. Great turnout and we only ran out of GORP in the last 40 minutes (give or take). This is such a good opportunity to greet cyclists out for a weekend of fun. Everyone is always so appreciative. It was unfortunate that one gentleman went down right before our SAG and appeared to have broken his collarbone. (most cyclists I know have done this).

Went to my old house and took some tax reciepts to Terry. To the door, exchanged a few pleasantries, Bastian came out, wanted me to pet him and went back inside. I took off.

Went to Mom's. We had a nice visit. Her pc was messed up. When I turned it on there was a message box stating it needed to restore. FUN TIMES. Actually, it self repaired and she was a happy camper.

Came home, cleaned house, and took a nap. Went for an easy hour ride through the park with David. Met at Big Rock and just rode slow and easy. I was more fatigued than I realised. And with allergies kicking butt, the benadryl was dehydrating me.

Tonight's ride was like when I first began. Tight shoulders, tension in the neck, shoulder blades felt like a knife was between them. Legs feel great. HR and breathing suck big wind. Guess this is one more lesson in patience. No more taking 3 days in a row off the bike without legitimate reason (well I guess work is legitimate).

Will run and ride tomorrow. I'm very tired and it's not even 9:30. Rebuild stamina, endurance, heart rate and breathing. One day at a time.

Time to close another door. Really don't want to. Out of my control.

09 September, 2009


Finally get cleared to ride after 7 weeks off the bike and I rode all weekend. So why is it I've spent two days off? Work is part of it. But the rest is what?

Ragweed is kickin' my butt and I've been popping 1/2 a Benadryl every 3-4 hours for over a week. But there's something else. The year's event are weighing me down. I'm tired. I need a vacation. Booked that half marathon and never got a room or flight.

Today started out great as I had PT at 8am and I can tell how much more range I have as well as getting stronger. Then somewhere after lunch it went sour and was not such a good day. I took a walk. I thought several times about smoking. It's been a long time since I held thoughts this serious. It was scary.

Normally, I'd come home and go for a ride. Just didn't feel it. Instead I found something else with several people I've only met a couple of times.

Of all the changes this year the most difficult are the friendships that have changed, dwindled. I kid myself about doing my part.

The sun will come up tomorrow and I didn't smoke a cigarette today, two positives to take to my pillow.

07 September, 2009

Memories of the crash

came flooding back last night as I folded laundry. I came across my wind vest, arm warmers and gloves I wore that day. The vest is fine. They cut the arm warmers off of me, my only ones. The gloves were brand new, I'd just purchased from Clarksville Schwinn. It's odd to look at them the back of my right glove has a huge hole in the middle and all fingers are torn up. The left one has a few tears and one small hole but not terrible. My hands were relatively unhurt except for a small scrape or cut in a couple of places. I guess they protected me from worse damage.

06 September, 2009

Twice in one day

RRP put together a nice 3 hour ride this morning. I joined for the first miles. It had rained most of the night or seemed that way each time I stirred. Third ride in 3 days. As I rode to the ride start and consciously stayed off the painted lines on the road I could already feel minor fatigue in my upper arms. Stupid allergies don't help either.

We met at Heine at 8:30 and rode up Grinstead on our way to Zorn and then River Rd. There were 5 of us and another joined around Indian Hills if memory serves. Once we got to Glenview they really picked up the pace and by Captain's Quarters I dropped back. Told 'em not to worry if I dropped off. Thought I'd go up Wolf Pen and turn around. Yeah well, started up Wolf Pen and decided it wasn't worth it, maybe next week. Rode home, took Mockingbird, had a toasted peanut butter sandwich, took a sponge bath and then a nice nap.

About 1:00 I decided to do the Heine Bro ride. Caught my second wind. I started thinking I'd just hang back. But as we chatted and waited in the parking lot and I sized up all the riders I thought best to start out at the front. I've ridden with most of these guys and they are steady. Hung through the park and out onto Lexington, but let them go and I took Spring solo. Didn't need to go downtown. Decided to take Mockingbird again as I needed to be somewhere by 3:30 ish.

My legs are happy. My shoulder is okay. Glad it's still numb to the touch. The scar is more red than it was. But not inflammed or anything. Worst part of riding is carrying the bike up and down the stairs. Second is about 45 minutes in both shoulders and neck get tired. That will improve with time and more miles.

I love to ride my bicycle, I love to ride my bike. Freddy Mercury sang it well.

05 September, 2009

Labor day weekend

is the last long weekend of summer. I will not say I missed the last 7 weeks, because I lived them and walked them and enjoyed the mild weather Mother Nature blessed us with. I'm back on my bike and I am happy on so many levels. Now is when the real work and discipline comes in to play. I need to start running and making time for running. Which means I need to pick days for that training. Yeah, we'll see how that goes!

I intended to do a Tai Chi class this morning, but was resting so well I stayed in bed. Got up just in time to eat, and get ready to ride. Prep time needs attention! airing up the tires was a new experience with the shoulder. Took off about 8:45 and rode to the yellow lot. I started out in front, because I just didn't want to be taking any chances with people I hadn't ridden with. There was one guy that made me a little nervous, but he sped off to the very front quickly enough and then a traffic light separated us. Those do come in handy for such occasions.

My legs felt great. I stayed in the small chain ring. Still not ready to mash yet. On the way back Bank Street I missed clipping in at a light and came down on the saddle an moved it where the nose pointed to the ground. I'd already decided to not go to Iroquois as my shoulder was getting very tired. I stopped and adjusted the saddle (too far to the opposite direction!) and headed home. I was able to put it on my right shoulder with no trouble.

I can't wait to ride tomorrow. I know I won't keep up with the group, but that's not the point of riding. I'll start and chat and they will go on. Life is good when I can ride my bike. :-)

Oh, funny how much advice I've gotten. And please understand I appreciate the concern as it's a form of love. Some saying I should've worked more often on the trainer while off. Other's saying it's too soon to get back in the saddle. And everything in between!

04 September, 2009

Back in the saddle today

Thank goodness! What an ordeal. The work day ended at 1:00 pm, one of the nice benefits from my employer, half day before long holiday weekend. Since I had Physical Therapy this morning, and worked a while to make up, I got a later start than intended. Prep time doubled! Get on the kit, sunscreen, water bottles, load the pockets. Then there's airing up the tires. OMGoodness, when the tire pressure reached 80 lbs I could really feel it in my shoulder. Slow and easy is my new mantra for now.

Next, carry the bike down 2 flights. decided to push it down on the rear wheel with top tube perpendicular to the floor. I have some upper body work to focus on next!!! Jumped in the saddle, clipped in, and felt like jello. The torso, bike, and legs all felt wobbly. Decided to ride down Frankfort to Cannon's. That worked well. Today was a small chain day. Just spin. Did a loop and a half around the ball fields at Seneca, out and around and through the neighborhood. First time out Pee Wee Reese a dooley pickup buzzed me and I yelled WTF! I was not happy, but once I turned onto Seneca Park Rd, decided not to waste energy on anger. Rode that twice. 40 minutes of riding and decided to find a park bench. Had 45 minutes til brew ride start, PERFECT! Did a full loop through Cherokee. It was fun.

I was SO ready for a brewsky. We rode to Cycler's and uncapped a bottle or three. Good times and I met a new cyclist Sam. Riding home was ok, but very slow up Grinstead.

I'm tired. Very tired. Guess I'll hit the pillow and dream about tomorrow's ride. Need to squeeze in a run, too. Guess that will be later in the day.

ps. went to the lung doc yesterday - can stop the advair! finally dropped below 140 since I can't remember when, last decade most likely. smiling here

25 August, 2009

what a year

so many events - moved out on my own, got divorced, broke a couple bones and now may have additional hurdle or two. The sun keeps coming up, so will I.

18 August, 2009

A few things have happened

and I'm still not quite feeling the urge to write like before.

Master's Natz was one hell of an experience. I'm thinking I'll get out and do a crit or two next year if I can get my stamina and speed where it needs to be. I didn't ride much at the end of MN as I was working the crits. I had the month of July to pinpoint my focus and training for Natl Senior Games.

I was riding the Wed Fruit ride in the middle of July, which was hard and fast and has a tough hill or two. Then I learned of a training ride to JMF. They said it would be a "no drop" ride. Hadn't been out there since early April and that was only the second time ever. July 18 was a very cool morning, but the ride was fun with mostly familiar faces. We rode to Iroquois and took the first good hill in a neighborhood on the other side of the park. I am last up the hill, but this was the reason I went on the ride. Only way to get better on hills is to ride them. We head on out to the forest and the next hill is a tough one for me. I get to the top and only one of the others is there waiting. I was so happy to see him. He told me to be careful as we crested the hill. I didn't pay close enough attention. Wound up going way too fast, couldn't slow down. My rear wheel jumped to the left and I corrected. All was fine, but still going to fast. Then the rear wheel jumped to the right, my handle bars turned to the left and I went down on my right shoulder. Cracked my helmet in 5 places, broke my clavicle and scapula. The guys were great and called EMS.

It took 3 days to find an orthopedic surgeon and another 6 for surgery to be scheduled. I won't go into the next weeks of misery here. Suffice it to say that it has been difficult at best. My daughters have been wonderful and so many friends showed their love and compassion. I was overwhelmed. I am finally close to getting back on the bike and on the road. It will be 7 weeks since I've ridden on the road, only trainer.

I've learned a few things about myself. Several aren't very becoming and I'm not proud of my lack of patience. I've driven away a special person due to my self ego and pent-up craziness. That is the toughest thing. Attempts at "fixing" it has just made it worse. So I will stop.

The rest of this year is going to be self improvement (I hope!). Maybe it's just gaining a deeper understanding of who I am and why I do things I do.

My doc has said I can start to run, and even swim as long as it's not freestyle or any over head repetitive motion. I've sined up for a half marathon in November. This will be the first time I've taken a vacation alone. It's a scary thing to think about. There are moments that I think I am so foolish for trying to do some of this stuff at my age. But then all I have is time and doing these things is helping me grow my world of experiences and friendships.

Oh what an adventure this year has been and it's only September. :-)

29 June, 2009

Master's Nationals are in da Ville

This is not the first year for USA Cycling to hold the Master's National Road Championships here. But it's my first time experiencing it.
To participate you must be 30 years old and be able to pay the entry fee per race. Early registration is $60 per, a little steep, but late registration is over twice that. ouweee. In addition if you are male and 54 and lower or female and 44 and lower must be a Category 3 racer or higher. If you are older, you just need to enter, pay the fee and show up.

I am volunteering where I can this week. Saturday registration/packet pickup allowed me to meet and greet many of the racers. Early Sat morning I prerode the course, again. Then I met others and some put up hay bales and myself and another cleaned the course with broom and leaf blowers.

Yesterday the women's age groups and tandems raced. The course is just under a 5 mile loop. The older you are the fewer laps you have to ride. :-D The ladies thiry-somethings had 9 laps, forty-somethings 7 laps, and 50 somethings 6 laps. Those were the hardest, hottest 6 laps I've ever done. Failed to triple check my barrel adjustment and dropped a chain twice. Focus! I finished 14 out of 18. I'm amazed with that.

Tonight I joined the skirts for a recovery ride. Great group of women and guest rider. Met some new ladies. Rode 22 easy recovery miles. Had a tail wind down River Road that was very sweet. Wish the cars passing had been half as sweet. Crazy the chances people take on a double yellow line on a curve passing up to a dozen cyclists.

Tomorrow is my last full day of work this week. Hope to do some good short hard efforts and then ride easy for a while, later in the evening. Need to be as ready as I can for Wednesday's time trial. My last opportunity to participate in these races. It's so interesting to see all these expensive time trial bikes in addition to the road bikes many cyclists brought with them. Talk about a rich man's sport!

I must admit that I've met the most friendly, helpful and fun people in the cycling community. I will be volunteering at the criterium races, Thursday - Saturday. They are being held on the infield road at Churchill Downs. Those will be some fast races.

Dixie called and told me all about the venue at Senior Games in August. She prerode the course over the weekend. It's a month away and it's my A race. Main goal - Have Fun! :-) make the most of the adventure and expand my world.

24 June, 2009

Wednesday and the sun is shining!

Last week at this time I had a day of uncontrollable crying. I was a total mess. Wound up seeing Christine who is a shaman as far as I can tell. I've have some ups and downs since last week, but am starting to feel much more even keeled. That's not to say it won't come back. I'm trying to keep a calmness about myself and not overreact as much, because I have done that more in the last months than I'd like to admit.

She has me drinking hot lemon water first thing in the morning. I keep adding water to my cup and lemon throughout the day. It is like having some sunshine in a cup. I'm also taking mega minerals, hoping to see my halfmoons return soon. I am looking forward to Friday when I visit her again. Working together on healing mind, body and spirit.

This morning as I was driving to the office on a one-way street with 5 lanes and a pickup truck crosses from the far right into my lane, cutting in front of me, and decides to turn left! I yelled at that truck as loud as I could with my head out the window, "Good Morning' !" His windows were down, so I'm pretty sure he heard me. Decided it was better than honking and I was smilin' and calm afterwards, not all ticked off ready for a fight. Hope his day goes well.

Each day brings new lessons in life

21 June, 2009

My first Duathlon

So, this was my first multisport event. I'd never been to this location before, never done an event solo before. Most of the team had other obligations. I was a little nervous. I knew I hadn't run nearly enough in preparation. But this was my birthday present to myself. Another goal, milestsone to reach. Still annoyed with myself for DNF at Tour de Olmsted.

Since the race was to start at 7:30 I set the alarm for 4:50, thinking one snooze and one hour prep would be good. I had loaded the car the night before, made my bottles up and they were in the fridge. So Mother Nature decided to put on a show and about 4:30, lightning, thunder and pelting rain on the windows rose me from my slumber. :-) Good morning, Sherri! I carried through with my normal routine, breakfast, loading the bike, checking and double checking the list in my head. No! it's not written down, hmmm.

I had google mapped and gotten directions, the ramp to 71 where it splits with 264 was closed. Oh dear, I wasn't sure I knew an alternate route! I figured it out. As I got off at the Buckner exit I was going through my list in my head again. I'd forgotten the water bottles! Not good. I stopped at a gas station and picked up a Gatorade. I arrived at the event with 45 minutes before start time. I kept telling myself there's no reason to get upset. What happens, happens. It will be all right. I went in, got my packet, wrote my check, had my number written on my right arm and left leg, 100. and with my packet they gave each of us an insulated water bottle! YES, I've been carrying a gallon of water with me in the car, because there is nothing worse than getting dehydrated.

Time to start. There were at lest 125 participants I think. We started the first run of 2 miles. It was on grass and gravel trails, up and down hills. My prep has been on pavement, with limited hills, truly mostly flat. The hurt was on! We've had buckets and buckets of rain, and of course the morning saw another nice dose. One area was downhill, jump across the creek and run uphill. Technical! All but about 5 people passed me on the run. I got to the bike and felt good about the transition and took off! I passed quite a few on the bike. Even up hills! I was feeling really good about my ride and only on one hill did I screw up and stay in the big ring too long. The second transition was fast and there were many sets of shoes still waiting for their wearers. I took a big gulp and started running. Within 100 yards both calves started cramping. It was like ripples running up and down, not the locking kind of cramps though. I walked, but as fast as I could and tried to relax. Talked to myself, breathe, focus, walk it out. Within about 400 yards the cramping subsided and I could run. I walked more than I wanted, all the uphill efforts. There were young girls cheering everyone on just before the finish. That means SO much! I ran as fast as I could muster the last 50 or so yards, smiling the whole way. While my time was 1:23:38, the overall female winner has just over 1:04. I couldn't believe that I came in first in my age group and I wasn't the only one in it! :-)

As I passed cyclists or saw faster runners go by when I started my 2nd run (I didn't pass any runners), I would tell them, good job! I met several people while waiting for the results. All very nice, varied backgrounds. This was my birthday present to myself. Friday I turned 51. It was time to raise the bar and I did something new and I can be proud of my effort. Though I have lots more work and training to do before my next. :-)

This week will be fairly light with a couple of hard efforts and a couple of easy spins, with a couple of runs. I've signed up to race in Sunday's Master's National road race. Not the brightest thing I've done. But, even if I get pulled, it will be good experience in prep for Senior Games in August.

15 June, 2009

Weekend of learning

mostly about me, but also about others. I got lost somewhere in my head on Friday. Completely and totally warped. I was still there on Saturday.

We went to watch our team mates compete in the Shelbyville Triathlon. Fun times, they did so well! Oli and I then packed it up and headed to Iroquois for Tour de Olmsted. What a great event! We warmed up a bit, riding the trail and uphill sprints. Then several of us took a warmup lap. Not good. I wasn't feeling it. I told Oli I didn't want to do it, that I was on the verge of tears. She did her drill sergeant impression, which I thoroughly appreciate. It didn't work. We started, pushed up the hill, they dropped me and I had nothing in my legs. No desire. I got back to the start/finish and cheered my team mates. Then it was fun again. They did very well! Later was a celebration for Oli getting her MBA and job offers. I had several beers, ate a lot of good food and enjoyed the company of many. So many fun people that like to run, cycle, and drink beer!

Yesterday saw the Ky State Time Trial Championship. It was a 40K (25 mile) distance. I'd never done that distance, only half. This was 2 laps. I went out with the thought that if I could maintain 18.5 - 19 mph average on the flats the first lap, I'd have plenty of energy for the second. Probably could've set the bar higher, hindsight being what it is. My goal was a PR and hoping I could do it in only twice the time it took me to do the 20K last month. That was 0:40:23 so I was thinking 1:20:00 would be nice. Wound up with 1:19:52 and a bronze medal too. :-D While we were waiting for the medals and putting our bikes back on cars I suggested going out to the Master's Natz TT course and check it out. Dave and Joan joined me for that. This is a 25K course (15 miles) and the first of it is a long low grade hill. It's on a 4-lane highway which will be interesting to see how traffic is controlled. As we rode the course I started realising how good and strong I felt, this a couple hours after the TT. We stopped for a quick drink break at the turn-around and headed back. With 2 miles to go it starts raining and then pouring buckets. We got soaked! But that downhill to the finish was exhilirating, no matter how stinging the rain.

Lots of other learnings too. Maybe I'll post about those at some point. Probably not


12 June, 2009

Set myself up

for disappointments all the time. Not getting the training in I should, so my race tomorrow will be another "off the back". I'm good with that.

but there are times I allow others to disappoint. Do I set a standard that is unrealistic? Do I have some defect in my personality that blinds me to people that are inconsiderate?

I need to turn all of these into positives. Give me time, I'll find a way.

10 June, 2009

Learning is lifelong

and boy oh boy am I learning plenty these days. How easy it is to believe everything is as you want. rose coloured glasses, naivete', and on and on

09 June, 2009

disjointed thoughts

so I've not raced for a while, not a road race. Saturday sees a circuit race at Iroquois park. I've pushed myself over the last 4 days, but not sure it's enough. What's the saying? too little, too late? But this is where I must focus. 6 weeks and I'll be in Cali.

I haven't run enough and a week from Sat is the duathlon.

goals, milestones, markers we humans like to have these. it doesn't matter if it's work or play or domestic life

My firstborn called and talked to me today. It'd been a while since we had contact. She put a smile on my face!

I've stayed up too late again. I need to ride intervals tomorrow morning. and then run tomorrow night and then easy rides Thursday and Friday.

Sunday brings the Kentucky State Time Trial Championship. 40K it's not an easy course. I've ridden 20K twice the 40k is the 20 twice. oooohhhhh

06 June, 2009


or Good morning! Any greeting opens doors to new relationships. As I ride my bike and see people at the bus stop, in their yards, sitting in the cars at red lights I say a greeting. It's amazing! while many don't know how to react, most return the "Mornin'!" Lots of times, if there are several of us cycling together little ones will cheer.

Good times!

04 June, 2009

Closing in

on a beginning and/or end. All finallly agreed on the words, so I was summoned to sign papers. They will be filed soon. Time to rebuild what can be and start anew what will. Many things will be changed forever. Hopefully, most will be for the best.


31 May, 2009

Last day of May 2009

It's been a full year so far. So many things have happened, beginnings and endings and all things in between. I sit and reminisce. Think about the boxes of pictures that require copying. Decades of events on paper, in living colour or black and white and some in sepia tone. I think I should schedule a vacation day, make a long weekend. Probably will be full of smiles, chuckles, tears, and lotsa love.

I bought a toolbox from Target. Pope said probably not the best choice of stores for tools. :-) yeah, but if I need power tools I'll go to Lowes!

Yesterday I conducted an experiment. I ran a duathlon out of my apartment. Brisk walk to the reservoir and then 2 laps for a mile and a half run, brisk walk back to transition to the bike. Rode down Zorn, east to Wolf Pen and back to Mockingbird. River Rd piece was 10 miles. I had a total of 14.8 miles on the bike and went straight into T2, carrying the bike upstairs, changing shoes and heading back to the reservoir. I was a little worried, but the second run was good. Slower than the first, but good. 3 weeks to prep for the Oldham Cty duathlon. 7:30 am start the morning after my birthday. We'll save celebration til Sat afternoon!

18 May, 2009


Life is so different in some ways. Much the same in others. I believe we create much of our own pain and suffering. We create our own joy and happiness. It is what we define as good that we then celebrate in ourselves and others. Once the bar is missed, misery creeps in if we are weak.

I miss those I was once very close with. I cherish those that are close to me now.

The sky was clear and blue all day today. Sunshine makes me smile and gives me joy. I rode my bike after work, and that is always a good thing.

Sunshine comes in many forms. I'm lucky to witness a couple of them. :-) :-D

10 May, 2009


So, this evening see's Sherri starting out with roasted veggies, then 2 coffee mugs full of Extreme Moosetracks and a 6 pack of Magic Hat's summer brew Wacko. Perfect brew for a nutty lady.

The sun woke me, trying to burn through the window blinds. Ate well. Packed the car. Off to the time trial in Shelby County. big turnout. We arrived about 45 before start time. Started 1 and 2. This was the second in a series. Last month was cool and very windy. The first 3 legs saw either a cross- or head-wind and then a tail-wind last one home. Today was full sun, not a cloud in the sky and the flags were barely dancing in the light breeze at the middle school start. It was still hard and several passed me along the way.

Spent a little time with Mom yesterday. Still some tension, but was nice to visit. Only email or text with the rest of the fam, except the youngest. We talked, seems we are the only ones that talk these days. So much is lost with written conversation.

One of my friends would be saying to call the Whaaammmbulance. They are right. Feeling a little sorry for myself, when I shouldn't be. I am where I am because I want to be here. So, I'm having ice cream and beer, closing out the weekend.

Happy Mother's day
this year find's it a new way
and it's a-okay

03 May, 2009


is eye opening
very educational
also challenging

brings a new flavor
to this existence of mine
always been social

surrounded by friends
always in touch with fam'ly
but solitude now

Derby Day a new way

Never completely sure if anyone reads. Of course, I've not written much lately either. Lot's of new stuff, still trying to settle in, pay bills, cook for one (or not cook for one). I need to buy tools, go to Radio Shack.

Historically, the Kentucky Derby has been just one big party. some years a day or two and other years as long as a couple of weeks. We held an annual cookout with plenty of pork, potato salad, and a cornucopia of choices for finger good. Of course the beer would flow and mint juleps too.

This year I went out to see a friend play music at a local coffee house on Derby Eve. Home by midnight :-) slept in on Saturday and finally took off on my bike for some solitude. Got home in time to bathe, nap, and catch the race on TV.

Rode again today, solo. Only 30, but again a good time on the bike. Need to get out tomorrow, maybe some hill repeats. TT on Sunday, different way to spend Mother's Day. Youngest's birthday is coming up soon, too. Aside from the time trials, not sure what else I'll be doing as far as racing. Need to wait and see.

14 April, 2009

I've been remiss, busy, absent

Last entry was when I hit a deer, that was on a Tuesday. Got the rental car and was moving forward. Thursday afternoon I managed to wreck the rental car as I exited the parking garage. The same garage that I have parked in for at least 7 years now. I've blamed it on thunderstorms and it being a car I'm not used to. If I'm honest with myself, I was preoccupied.

Friday and Saturday were booked for moving. Big change, lots of change. Still too much to discuss here. I've still not smoked a cigarette, haven't really wanted one. Boy I could've copped out so many times over the last week or two now.

I miss some people that were prominent in my life a year or so ago. Maybe someday I'll work those relationships back to what they used to be, maybe I won't.

I've not followed my training like I should've. Hope that I can get this regimen back soon. I need it.

"I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end." I'm ready to see those days again.