28 October, 2007

I love sunshine

It makes all the difference in the world for my attitude, outlook on life, etc.

I wanted to get up and run this morning, but just wasn't to be. I started waking up about 4 o'clock every 30 minutes or so til 6:30 when I finally relaxed enough to fall back asleep and didn't get up til 8:30. Not sure why, but my lungs were full of wheeze, must be allergies and still cleaning out the tar and crud. It was 10 before they were clear. So, I didn't even try to run. I'm a slacker. :-(

Went out about 11:30 to get on the bike and ride. Chain was off, fixed that. Front tire was low, air compressor isn't here it's on the job site. Rode the bike up to the Pantry to fill the tire, their air tank is out of order, so I rode back home. Not a smart thing to do, ride on a soft tire. It takes a lot of extra effort/work to keep it in motion.

So, I load the bike in the pickup truck and go into town. Find a station where the air tank is working and fill both tires. (I need to get a hand pump for my tires and a diddy bag to keep it in and hang from my saddle.) Then I go to Mom's. She needs her furnace filter changed (she bought the wrong size!) and then I look at her PC again. I tell her that it's going to have to be replaced. She doesn't think so. I decide against arguing and I say my good-byes and leave. No sense in prolonging the agony, right?

Finally, I make it home and the bike is ready, it's now 2:30. I put in 12 miles in about 55 minutes. I was very slow the first 30+ minutes, just not as much oomph in my legs as I'd hoped for. Also had about a 15 mph head wind for a lot of that 30. At last, I catch my stride. I start feeling very good, I'm heating up, take off the windbreaker and tie it round my waist. The wind dies down. I take a few pictures. It's hard to believe we still have so much green in the trees. It's also hard to believe how good my roses look. We're supposed to have a freeze tonight, so I'm sure this is it for peak colour and my rose will start suffering too.
Big Duh, double duh - it's Sunday night and I realise, I was so slow because I was on the hardest big sprocket! I've been riding on the middle one til the ride captain yesteday had me change it. I never shifted it on the hills! I feel a bit better now. ;-)

I'm so happy the sun was shining brightly. If it was overcast like yesterday, I would've stayed inside, eaten things that weren't good for me, and felt guilty about all of it. Still, I should put in a few hours of work, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I already gave up some of my day off on Friday. Looks like long days this week.

p.s. I wish I had a magic wand sometimes. My Sis is having a hellish travel day with some added complications. Sure would like to make something good happen for her. Tomorrow is supposed to be her and my hubby's quit date. Send some good thoughts their way if you can.

27 October, 2007

A heart to heart and a nice long bike ride

Friday was a good day all in all. I took the day off, well except for an hour call with my boss and some email before lunch. I went out for a 12 mile ride at lunchtime. It was overcast for the first 15 minutes and then came the glorious sunshine. Hubby worked in the morning and came in just about the time I finished my ride.

We grabbed a quick bite, cleaned up and went for a matinee. Enjoyed the movie, Michael Clayton. We then went to dinner, where I broached the dreaded subject. We talked, got defensive, ate our dinner, kissed our oldest as she was our server and left for home, it was a quiet drive. Once home, we were on different floors for a little while. I went to him and said we've got to finish this. In the end, we both have different views, we both love each other. We know our relationship will never be like it was, can't be. But there is too much to keep, hang on to, sweat equity, to throw it away. And once we retired for the night, make-up sex! I love when that happens. There is just something about it that makes it so much sweeter than other times.

I got up and out this morning. Met a friend at the Waterfront on the Ohio for an organised ride with the Louisville Bicycle Club. We rode 18 miles in about 70 or 75 minutes. Funny, everyone there had their gear and nice road bikes. I stood out like a sore thumb. :-) Which is just fine with me for now. The newbie is easy to spot! I'm so glad Jennifer agreed to go with me. Not that I couldn't or wouldn't go alone, but it was nice to have someone familiar at least the first time. Everyone was very nice and helpful. Our route started east of Tumbleweed on the River and headed west to Main Street and into Portland. Portland is a grand old neighborhood full of character. We went through Shawnee Park and headed back.

Jennifer said if I had clips and a lighter bike I would be riding at 16-17 mph easy. We'll see, a decent, inexpensive bike starts about $500. What I need is a headband to keep my ears warm and gloves for my hands. I have to work through the right clothing, though it was breezy and cool at the beginning of the ride, I warm up rather quickly. Think I need to look into a new saddle, long padded bike pants, shirt that wicks away moisture and a sleeveless windbreak. I could invest a ton of money into this without blinking an eye! Next time I need to have proper dry clothing for the drive home. I caught a chill fairly quickly once I got a few miles down the road.

The weather started out at 52F for the beginning of the ride at 10am and didn't get past 58F this afternoon. Stayed overcast all day and never saw the sun, but no rain thank goodness.

Tomorrow, the sun is supposed to shine. So, I intend to get out and try a run early. (This I need to do, 'cause it's been too long since I've been in a regimen for the running.) Then put about 14 biking miles on my rural roads during church.

Here's to a super Sunday and another win tonight for the Sox!

25 October, 2007

It's a full moon - is this the harvest moon?

The full moon is wondrous. My mind has been full of Daddy. He's been gone too long now. Typically, this happens on a Friday. Missin' my Daddy, that is.

I love a full moon. The sky has clouds, but 90% are so thin the moon shines through so brightly. And so many odd, freaky things happen.

Terry told me that he thinks I don't like him.
But he knows I still love him.

Go Soxs!


So now back to my happy self! Well, not yet but soon!

Sorry for that depressing post. Not sure I can put any smiles on faces today, won't even try.

I think part of my problem is that I've gotten out of sync with my fitness routine. I've only run one time in over 2 weeks. I rode Sat, Sun and Mon. I've been sedentary since. My quit buddy, BFF, told me to get back on the stationary bike tonight. I had every intention, but wound up working late and then ate supper. A frozen fish thingy on white bread, Yum! not

Instead, I'm going to have a beer. Stretch out on the couch and veg in front of the TV. Get my arse up in the morning and get out in the neighborhood and do a run. Taking tomorrow off, but have to hold a call with my boss early. Then get outside and ride for lunch. And if I'm lucky, hubby and I will take in a matinee. Hmm, wonder what's good on the big screen? I need to check it out.

I have a friend that's joining me for a ride on Saturday morning. I am so very excited! We're going to WaterFront Park downtown. They've built bike and hiking trails that follow the river.

I feel so much better when I'm getting out there. It's the best for your attitude and outlook on life. I will focus on getting back to it tomorrow, over the weekend and through next week.

Problem is, I'll be traveling from 5 - 15 November in Europe. Now I have to be creative to find a way to stay on some kind of routine!

Til next time! Give some good stuff y'all

23 October, 2007

Funny how

we learn things about ourselves. And then how quick we are to put a slant or rationalise on why we did it or thought it or said it.

I know my faults, I don't like my faults. I hate it when others point them out to me and I hate that I get defensive when they do. I am passive/agressive. No matter what, I can't break the mold (not yet anyways). If you are my family or friend I will do anything you ask. I will defend you til the end for anything you've done, even if deep inside I disagree with your actions.

I agreed to do something this evening for a family member. I don't agree with the circumstances. My daughter pointed this out to me and that I should not have agreed. So what did I do, I got upset with my daugher. Needless to say, she didn't stick around long.

I'm sad on so many levels right now. I hope it's hormones, but that's probably a cop out. I've worked so hard to make major changes in my life. Stopped smoking, started getting fit, really buckling down in my job and trying to show strength, leadership, and grow my understanding.

I'm not happy. I want independence, to be on my own for a while. Is this a mid-life crisis? Maybe, maybe not. I've never been on my own. To do something like that would be a major lifestyle change that doesn't just affect me.

So now, my youngest daughter, Amber wants to marry someone 17 years her senior. She is 22. He also has a 3 year old daughter. I'm not thrilled about Amber's choice. She doesn't have a great track record. But you know, the last thing I would do is say/do something that would set her off more determined than ever to do it. I also want her to be happy. I will not try to dictate to her what that should look like.

Terry wants nothing to do with this man. He already laid down the law with her before the wedding without talking to me. He said that she is always welcome and he wants to see her often, but her boyfriend is not welcome and he will not meet him. He knows I'm very unhappy about this. He knows this could split us up. I don't like him right now. He has been my best friend since I was 16 and now I don't even want to look at him. What do I do? My bff tells me to let it be for a while. I don't know if I can.

Amber may make unpopular choices, but is one of the sweetest people with a huge heart. I gave birth to her. I will always love and defend her. She has to live her life. I have to let her know that I will always be here for her.

I wanted to smoke in the worst way today, when I was driving to work, when I was at work, when I drove home at noon, when I arrived home, when I worked at my laptop all afternoon. I just kept thinking about it. And then, I would say, sometimes out loud, No I'm not smoking any cigarettes. How easy would it be? Too easy. I'm not falling into the trap. It's a mind game. Life is easy, life is difficult. I choose not to smoke today. I will choose not to smoke tomorrow. I will choose to not use a life event as an excuse to fall off of this wagon. Am I changing at least one of my personality flaws? I'm trying, I am trying so damned hard.

This is another piece of my adventure. Life is change. I'm trying to embrace it. I do not want to look back. I only want to look forward. I just wish I knew which way forward is.

Lunchtime ride in the rain

I had to be in the office for meetings Monday morning and rain was forecasted to come in mid afternoon. So I left for home just before noon and arrived about 12:30. Quickly changed clothes and headed out on the bike. It was sprinkling but I thought that would be okay. HA! It was pouring about 3/4 of the way through the ride. When I arrived back home after 5.2 miles in 19 minutes I was a drenched cyclist. Shoes felt like I'd been wading in them. Had a chill, so I wrapped up in a nice warm towel, grabbed a sandwich and snuggled on the couch for 30 before starting work again. It was a good feeling.

Here's a pic from a week ago of the fall colour. I'll try to post more if the rain hasn't beaten all the leaves down. We should be right at peak any day now.

21 October, 2007

More mileage!

I'm thinking these days getting shorter are affecting my sleep cycle, but could be other things, too. Slept past 7 again this morning. So frustrated, my lungs were full of crud for a good hour and a half. Typically, everything will clear up within 30 minutes of getting up, taking my Advair and drinking a cup of coffee and bottle of water.

Finally got out and did my first run/walk in 12 days at about 8:30. I knew I needed to stay at least half of where I'd been training, so stayed in the neighbourhood instead of going to the track and did one loop plus length to and from the house which is about .9 of a mile total. Admittedly, with the hills it's more challenging than the track. My lungs still weren't clear and the wheezing was terrible. I thought of just stopping at one point, but decided that wouldn't prove anything, but I was a quitter. Not something I have ever thought of myself ('cept for cigs!)

Bastian the mut went with me. He would run ahead to the next mailbox and then catch up, run at my heels and then race to the next mailbox. I ran the whole time from the house to the bottom of the hill (1/2 way). Then I walked/ran up the backside about half and half. It took me 10.4 minutes, which is slow, but I was just gauging my leg mostly. When I got back to the house the soft tissue at my ankle had some decent pangs and there was some swelling, but they subsided.

Then about 11:00 (while most were still at church) I got out for my bike ride. Put 14 miles behind me at about 65 minutes. Slower than yesterday, but I expected that. The temps were 10 degrees warmer at 74F and winds were 6mph stronger at 12 compared to Saturday. With .8 of mile left to the house I took 5 and stopped at The Pantry and bought a banana and ate it. After that nasty cramp yesterday, thought I should be more proactive. It was another beautiful morning, with just a few wisps of clouds and bright sunshine.

I have to remember my camera next time! It would be good to share some of the fall colour since it's coming into peak now.

20 October, 2007


I was driving back from errands and set my odometer to check mileage for a possible bike route. This one will be challenging as it has a couple of big hills.

I was thinking about my ride earlier today and realise I failed to mention some benefits of being out on a bike. Riding in the countryside, you get to see plenty of Mother Nature's bounty and treasure. Birds are flying south, I saw a couple of flocks of geese. The birds have also been in full song and are best heard when riding past the woods. The trees still aren't at peak yet. Probably midweek or so and I'll miss most of it sitting in an office building in the city. But you can spot several trees here and there that are full of yellow or orange. I've seen a few that have a burgundy hue. The sad part is I've seen only a very few red ones. The maples exist, but I worry the drought has made them turn brown before red. I could be wrong and I hope I am. ;-)

At one point while riding I heard rustling off to my left. When I looked, there was a big fat groundhog scurrying at the edge of a field back to his burrow. I passed several small farms, one had cows that were laying in the sun at the edge of some shade trees. Another had goats with their bells clanging around their necks.

The saddest part of riding in the countryside is when you see the roadkill. I hate to see or smell any dead animal. When you are on your bike, the smell is much stronger than if you were in your car doing 50 mph. I got very sad when I noticed just off the road in the grass someone's puppy. At first, I had this fleeting thought, he's sleeping. But I knew better. You couldn't see any signs of trama and there was no smell yet, so I have to assume it had happened within the last day.

Now that I'm more and more confident on my bike I am able to observe what is going on around me. People tinkering in their garages, others setting up yard sales, decorating for Halloween, mowing the grass, children playing. I'm also paying more attention to the cars and motorcycles. The vast majority are very courteous. There were 2 today, however, that made me come a little unglued. Someone driving a small car with no patience barely passes me, get this, when another car is coming in the opposite direction! Now, I'm sorry but what is 2 seconds to hold back? The other was a work van. I don't think there was a full 12 inches of clearance when he passed by me.

Hope tomorrow brings another ride full of sights, sounds, smells. I'm sure I'll be reporting back - boring everyone.

Until then, be good, do good, and try to commit one random act of kindness before the weekend finishes.

Finally some mileage

I've been thinking of joining the Louisville Bicycle Club, mostly as a way to meet people that are cycling enthusiasts. This way I can learn more, but also start to build a network of friends I can ride with on a regular basis. A colleague at work said that she would be happy to ride with me. She's an avid cyclist. I worried though that she will be bored with me and this easy ride. This club has organised rides almost daily, which is awesome. The rides vary from easy to very difficult and in length from 12 or so miles to 100 milers. I think she and I will try one next Saturday that is at the easiest level and length is somewhere around 12 - 15 miles.

I've been riding several times a week, but only 6 - 7 miles in about half an hour. Week days this works when I'm working remotely from home, and fits into my lunch hour. Also, traffic is fairly light. The days are just getting too short to get out on the road after I get home from work, unless I try to do the at 5:30. Traffic is just too heavy on my country lanes at that time of day.

I ventured out today, planning on riding an hour, hoping for some decent mileage. The weather has been tremendous. At one point during my ride I looked at my stop watch and i was at 42 minutes, so I decided to retrace part of the road already ridden. Now, I'm not breaking any speed records here. This is not my intention, yet. I just wanted to see how much time I could get in on the bike. I was approaching an hour, was feeling very good and thought about keeping going. But! I get this really nice cramp in my left calf muscle. It is truly not an easy feat to keep peddling with a cramp in your calf. I was very close to home, so decided this was my cue I'd put in enough miles for today. That cramp was a little wicked as I climbed the last hill in the subdivision. When I got home I'd clocked 62 minutes. This is more than twice of anything I've done to date. Woo Hoo!

I think I need a GPS, but not willing to invest, yet. I get home, blow my nose and jump in the car. Pencil and paper in hand and reset the trip odometer, I retrace my ride. I put in 14 miles today! Woo hoo! Again, this isn't fast at just under 5 minute mile. Now this proves to myself that I can do this ride next weekend with a group and not embarrass myself by needing to quit half-way through. I plan on getting out again tomorrow and shooting for at least this much mileage.

Now, I'm impressed with today, 'cause this was after a night of football and beer drinking. My Cardinals lost, boo hoo. But we had a great time, Hubby and I joined my quit buddy and her hubby at the Louisville Pizza Company. We had a blast!. I'm thinking I should've had more water before bed and early this morning before going out to ride. That's probably why I had the cramp.

Think I'll go get some errands behind me and maybe treat myself to something new. I won't be drinking any pitchers of beer tonight. Need to be good as I want to get up and maybe run/walk a mile and a half early. Then get out and ride my bike while everyone else is at church.

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes and list my route. Enjoy this wonderful Saturday! I know I have so far.

19 October, 2007

Next week - 13 weeks or 3 months - Tobacco free

My Sister, who ran the Chicago marathon weeks back and my husband started on Chantix Monday. So glad they have each other, though I'm not sure they are the personality types to talk about it or chat or blog about it.

Yesterday was their first day to take 2 pills, though still .5 dose compared to next week. Hubby had a headache by 8:30 or so last night. He blamed it on the weather. We did have some nasty storms and winds come through all night. Even lost electricity from 1 - 4 am.

Sis told me today that at 1 am last she was still wide awake. And today had some issues with the constipation thingy.

They both said that yesterday they realised at the end of the day they really hadn't thought of smoking much at all throughout the day. Yes!!!!!!

It's working, though with side-effects.

I'll be their biggest supporter, for sure! I really hope this works for each of them.

18 October, 2007

Humbleness and vanity

I know that vanity is bad in so many ways. When something happens to make you realise how vain you are, hopefully you can deal with it in a humorous way.

I know this had to do with Karma. I was a bit full of myself (last post) when I found out that I had lost 17 pounds and boasted more than I should've. So, I'm sitting on a global call Tuesday morning eating my ritual bagel for breakfast. With two bites left, my left front bridge (contains 3 crowns) falls out of my mouth. Now, it couldn't be one tooth (crown) but 3. Following my call I walk to CVS and buy some temporary dental cement. This lasts until about 5:00, when I am at my sister's house sitting on the front porch visiting. Then the temporary stuff lets go. I asked her if she wanted to see. She cringed and said no, that it must hurt. I said no, but I definitely look like a hill-billy from Appalachia. Then I showed her anyway. She laughed and said that it would be great for Halloween!

I got into the dentist this morning and he put everything back where it belongs. I still have this fear this will happen again. It's the 2nd time so far. More worried if it was in a professional situation with clients than if it was a personal event, though.

You know, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves. Laughter helps us get through so many trying times!

15 October, 2007

Funny thing about doctors

I've never seen this one smile. I've tried over the years, just couldn't seem to get him to smile. I pride myself on being able to do that with people. I completely understand why. He is serious about what he does.

Today he smiled. He was reading my profile and said, "this is different it says Smoking - No". I answered with a "yes, this is true. Tonight when I go to bed will be 12 weeks. It's all due to the Chantix, and the 3 breathing tests over 2 years you conducted. But it still took me 3 months to decide to quit since then." Then he said, "you've lost weight since April". I explained, "I've been exercising since before I quit. First on the stationary bike and now on the open road. I've also begun trying to run, though I've still not put together a full mile without walking, yet. What I would like to do is run the 5K next spring." He smiles, and says that his favorite is the City Run, it's 6 miles, twice the 5k, that I should aspire to that one. I protest, though without much conviction, saying that patience isn't my strong point. I think I need to set smaller goals to get to the big ones. I don't want to discourage myself before I get there! He explains that there is plenty of time, almost 6 months to get ready, plenty of time.

I asked about a breathing test and he said to wait until April. I asked about cutting back on my dosage of Advair, again wait until April and see the results of the breathing test. All in good time. He wants me to cut back, too. Just need to be prudent about it.

Okay, big deep breaths. Keep setting these goals, small ones lead to bigger ones. Not sure I will ever be a triathlete or anything that Ulta, but who knows for sure. One day at a time. That's what I've decided about not smoking. One day at a time. I know I can do some bigger things, if I stay healthy. I just need to stay healthy. Be smart. Get my checkups, exercise, eat right, pay attention to what my body tells me.

I know I could die tomorrow. Get hit by a bus crossing the street or slam into a deer in the wee hours of the morning during my commute. But if I'm lucky enough to live a few more years, I want to feel alive and healthy. Not tired and old, full of aches and pains.

Now, I guess I'll bore everyone with more stats on training. Riding the bike, running the miles and maybe snapping some nice pics along the way. This training is for my golden years. I want to experience so many things!

Til next time - Be good - Give only good - and Try to commit a random act of kindness each day. I swear it will come back in so many more ways!

14 October, 2007

Excited, apprehensive, and happy!

Okay, so the swelling is gone. Hallelujah! Still the slightest bit of tenderness, but I'll live. So I rode my bike 2 laps in the subdivision yesterday, which is about a mile and a half. Decided I should go easy after this past week. All day yesterday I had this 'cold' between my shoulder blades. I know it's just gunk in my lungs trying to come out. I stayed up too late for this ole lady. UofL football didn't go off til 11pm. Didn't want to get up this morning, slept til 7.

Had a nice easy morning. Went out on the bike after lunch. Rode down Whitfield Lane to the point I know the mileage. On the way back, turned into a friend's neighborhood and wound around a bit. Then decided to head back towards Whitfield. Stayed on King's Church Road and rode into Spencer County a ways, turned around and came back to the house. I was slow, never happy about that, but considering it's been about 10 days since I'd ridden, shouldn't complain. Rode 6.1 miles in 26 minutes. Temp was 76F and sunny day. I wouldn't complain if it was a bit cooler, but so nice compared to the 90s we've had thru August and September. I went back out at 5, did 1.5 miles in 7.5 minutes (slow!) then did 35 jjacks, 25 core builders, and 20 pushups (from knees butt flat). Probably shouldn't done the jjacks, but ankle seems to be fine.

Tomorrow, I go to the Pulmonary Doctor. It's been 6 months since I saw him. I'll be 3 months tobacco free. I'm anxious, but hoping it's all good. A friend of mine does voluntary testing with a university around breathing, asthma and oxygen levels with high levels of exercise. I think I'll ask the doc about this and see if UofL has any interest in another volunteer with asthma, reformed smoker that is trying to get fit.

I'm anxious about the scales, to see what my total weight loss is. I need to be realistic and not get too disappointed that it's not lower. Muscle does weigh more than fat. I do not intend to obsess about weight. My clothes are getting too big, that in itself it a huge encouragement.

I'll update you tomorrow, once back from the doc.

13 October, 2007

What a trying time for me!

First week of October was so good with exercise. Had a great run/walk on Thursday. Only bad thing was the heat, which kept me from riding the bike. Friday my left ankle began swelling and I took Friday and Saturday off, 'cause the swelling was still there and tender. Sunday I went to the HS track and ran/walked 1.5 miles. I cried through the first lap. I actually ran 3/4 of the first 2 laps and other than the pain in my left foot/ankle I felt good. Started wishing I'd pushed two more laps, but looking back glad I didn't.

Monday morning the swelling was still there. I took my new running shoes back to the store. This place specialises in running gear and takes pains with their clients. They put you on a treadmill and video how you walk/run with different makes/models of shoes. The pair I returned was not correcting my stance enough. This was putting pressure on the inside of my knees and ankles. I'm flat footed. The sales guy took his time with me and videoed me in the first pair I was bringing back. Showed how they weren't doing what I needed. We tried several pairs and videoed each one. We made a selection, they replaced my shoes and I got a refund to boot! The first pair cost $135, the second pair only $95 (that's weird saying only to 95).

Thinking this was my only problem, I woke early on Tuesday and left for downtown about 5:15. Began my run/walk to the waterfront about 6. First block was tender, but I ran 2 before walking a block. I did this several times all the way to the waterfront. Coming back, I walked more than ran. Too much swelling and pain in my left foot/ankle.

My boss flew into town this week and I sat in meetings most of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Keeping my foot elevated when I could. This whole time I didn't get on my bike either. Friday was an intense morning that began at 7:30 with the first meeting. Then an hour and a half call. Once I got back from lunch, wrapped up some email, I decided to head home and finish the day there. (I'd put in 11 hours on Thursday.)

My foot was bothering me bad enough when I got home, I got back in the car and went to the Immediate Care Center. Glad I did. They x-rayed my foot and ankle. Nothing broken or fractured, no arthritis, etc. Whew, was I relieved. She said I could start to ride as soon as the swelling subsided. I got up this morning and it was doing very well. I went out on the bike for 2 laps in the subdivision. Didn't want to push too hard. My arch feels tender, the swelling seems to be almost nonexistent. I was so slow! I'm getting out tomorrow and putting in at least 4 miles, hopefully 7. I want to sweat! I want to be fit. I want to set some bigger goals for springtime.

I go to the pulmonary doc on Monday. I already know I've lost more than 10 pounds since April. My blood pressure was 102 over 64 yesterday. Now to see what he says about lungs and breathing. I'm hoping we'll do another breathing test. Not that I expect any huge improvement. Mostly to get a baseline from non smoking between now and April.

Apologies for the novella! Seems I've not posted much recently.

11 October, 2007

Still tobacco free - but annoyed with myself

It was eleven weeks of tobacco freeness when I went to bed Monday night. I want to stop counting, but can't yet. I've tried very hard to refocus all of the bad habit energy and start living a healthy lifestyle.

I've done something to my left leg and haven't been able to sweat and workout like I have been. It's driving me nuts! I am so afraid I will get complacent! Is this my addictive personality? I don't care. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want to get outside and ride.

Patience is not my strong point.

I walked the block today. More swelling. Damn it!

06 October, 2007

Random thoughts on a random day

If given a choice and you must give up one sense, which would it be? Sight or hearing? Most would keep sight over hearing. I understand that, but would keep my hearing over sight. I wouldn't want to give up listening to music, birds sing, breeze rustle through leaves, children laughing.

Are you satisfied with your life and accomplishments? I'm not and hope I'm never satisfied. I need a challenge, a reason to rise each morning. I want to experience, do things, see places most only dream of. I'm fortunate, I've done so much already. I've visited some very exotic places. But I have more on my list!

If I were to die tomorrow, would I have regrets? This answer changes a lot on some small levels, but overall I must answer no. I have had a wonderful life to date. My marriage has been almost a lifelong classroom in itself, and I am still discovering things that surprise me. One is that sometimes I really don't like him very much. This makes me sad.

I have 2 beautiful daughters, they are full of compassion, talent, wit. I devoted many years to my girls. I spent a lot of time taking children places, learning with them, seening new things. The best way to see something new is with a child, through their eyes and mind.

I want to expand my circle of friends. I want to deepen some of the relationships I've begun. I want to grow my understanding of things that are different from me and my culture.

Abraham Lincoln:
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

03 October, 2007

Time to refocus

I feel scattered. I think some of this is hormonal maybe. I can't blame it on smoking cessation or the side affects of Chantix, it's been too long without either one.

I had a terrible night on Monday. It was fitful and finally about 2:30 I got up and went to the couch in the basement so my tossing and turning wouldn't wake hubby. I didn't sleep more than 15 minutes after that. I just can't survive on 4 hours sleep. I know people that thrive on that much sleep. My goal was to get downtown to do my run/walk by 6am, get in 25 minutes, shower, and get on my 7 am call. If you don't sleep well, don't try to do anything physical. I just didn't have it and then hated myself for bothering.

Odd, the rest of the day was fairly productive and worked until 6pm. Nice 10.5 hour in the office.

I've been trying to get my girls together for dinner on a Tuesday night (supposedly best one for all) for 3 weeks. It's not gonna happen. I wound up going shopping by myself. I hate to shop, but need some clothes. My quit buddy told me about a sale, so I went. I was so happy when I tried on 3 skirts that were all too big. I went back for size 8, but only one style had an 8. That's okay! Not sure 8 is where I'll stop. Tried on my new duds for hubby, he noted that the skirt is loose. That is so cool! I know it's bad to brag, but I couldn't contain myself and called my sis and my bff quit buddy.

So, I got a nice night's sleep last night. Didn't want to get up. Worked remotely today. Have so much to do and I'm so far behind. (note topic above: lack of focus).

I did get on the bike twice. 4 miles in about 13-14 minutes and then 3.2 miles in 12. Now to put 7 or 8 together in one ride. Hoping I get a good night's sleep tonight so I can get a run/walk in the morning. Makes for such a good day and clearer mind.

Back to work.