28 February, 2011

a tad excited and a little scared

Big steps, life is full of them. Most of them I did with someone by my side. Last two years have been radically different from anything I've ever known. Some days I've been scared shitless and other days so nuts I'd do anything to not be alone. I made an offer on a house today. Biggest or maybe scariest thing I'll ever do. I am excited, nervous, and teary-eyed. Well, we'll see if they accept or counter my offer.  oh deary me...


27 February, 2011

Reacquainted, reclusive, recharged...

and resolute at this point. These describe my weekend for the most part.

Friday I made good on a bet with a neighbor from my last apartment. His Packers won the SuperBowl, so I bought dinner. His choice and he went easy on me. I was thrilled as I'd never been to PF Changs before. The food was very good. I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with this friend that I've known less than two years. He ordered a flight of Saki. I liked the snow maiden the best.

Saturday I was a recluse. Other than a quick trip to the grocery, I stayed in my place. I slept, I took care of me. It was nice. I planned to ride and the weather forecast was for high 40s/low 50s. I waited, the mercury never passed 41 from what I saw. I started to feel guilty about not getting on the trainer, but decided that was silly.

Today I woke up recharged. I felt great and had slept very well since Friday. Checking the weather channel, seeing the chance of rain was mid afternoon and temps would be mid 50s around 11, I planned my ride. It was to be 2+ hours medium endurance. So I rode ~38 miles past Utica to Hwy 62 and back. Goal was to maintain a high cadence and HR below threshhold. I could say it should've been faster and more wattage and higher cadence. But I won't. I felt very good on this ride. I enjoyed it in my solitude. The river is up and I kept thinking Eva Bandman is probably close to being under water. I was scared pretty good at one point. I was approaching Port Rd about 50 yards from the first stop sign and a SUV passed so close I felt the side view mirror. I maintained control but yelled "Hey!" The older fellow driving (I say older, but he might've been my age) flipped me the bird. What's up with that? It's Sunday afternoon. There was little traffic. The speed limit is 40mph through there. Do people really need to get to there destination so badly that it's okay to hurt another human being? I pity these people. They are so full of hate. It's a very sad reality.

I'd hoped I would have another adjective to add to my weekend after tonight. But that's still not to be. Somehow I've managed to be stood up once again. A recurring theme that will end tonight. I'm a nice person. I deserve a phone call or text to say something's come up. This is history. An awakening in my heart and soul. I am happy and have had a wonderful weekend. The week ahead should be good and I've already made some plans with friends to ride after work.

I hope everyone else had a good weekend, too. 


21 February, 2011

There should be a 3 day weekend once a month

The stupid cold/flu is slowly fading away. I am looking and looking for houses. Viewed 5 last week but none tickled my fancy.

Friday afternoon was so beautiful I decided to head out on the trails for a ride after word. Daylight is hanging until 6:30 or so which makes it very nice. I saw many cyclists in the park! Rode cyclists, junior racers, other racers and casual riders along with various tri-athletes and quite a few mtn bikers were on the trails too. I rode about an hour fifteen and had a blast! I felt more comfortable and steady on the trails than ever before. I wasn't riding the brakes on the downhills and even though pedaling uphill is still work I started to find a flow. Made my way over to Wilderness and back. Wish I could remember how to do the part that leads you behind the golf course. Guess I need to find someone experienced to show me the way again. Friday night I walked up Bardstown Rd and took myself to dinner. Walking home was the most beautiful full moon in the sky. I saw numerous couples walking along, hand in hand laughing and having best of times. It was nice.

Saturday I met a couple of friends and we rode the Blue Dog ride. It meets at the Blue Dog bakery on Frankfort and goes across the bridge to Southern Indiana, west to New Albany and further west then north on Budd Rd and up Blunk Knob. Ahhhh, Blunk Knob. The climb starts about mile 21, though we've already had a short steep climb to warm us up. I need to get back and ride it again. It kicked my fat winter arse!!! One of the friends on the ride is a mtn biker and this was his first road ride and on a loaner bike. By mile 35 we were all toast, so we stopped for some java and snacks. I had hot chocolate and blueberry pie. This made the last 13 miles a bit easier to take. Though I was so tired by the time I got to Broadway, I was talking myself into pedaling each 100 yards it seemed. Then I remembered to smile. Difficult things aren't so difficult if you can put a smile on your face while you're doing them. I'm fairly sure my two friends had a good time. I hope to do another long ride this weekend.

Sunday was iffy. I had asked several people the best way to ride to Waverly. I either got no answer or something like, "there's lots of ways to get there". WTF! The ones I asked do this all the time. Is it some club secret or something? Finally I got hold of a friend and he said he was riding out there with another mtn biker or two. I was thrilled! Then started worrying. There was no way I could keep up with those guys on my mtn bike on pavement. One was riding a 29er and the other has been riding over 10 years. I got out my CX bike and put slicks on it. It still took everything I had to not get totally dropped in Iroquois. (I screamed and cussed at them at one point when they were 400 yards away, which maybe is why I caught up to them). We got to Waverly and they hit the trail head at the entrance. I climbed the hill and my legs reminded me of Saturday's ride. My quads and hips were not happy, but being on the CX bike helped and I just took my time and spun all the way over and to the parking lot. It's a beautiful park, from what I could see. I really want to get back out there and ride the trails. A couple of people have told me it's real hilly and hard. But I thought Mountain Biking was all about hills and tough trails. duh  ha ha 

Today was a trip to the LBS, getting a couple bikes checked out. Test rode a CX bike, the Home-wrecker 5000, but it was too big for me. I like the bike quite a lot and might have been able to do something about the length from saddle to handlebars. But the standover height was just too precarious. So I need to find someone with a smaller version to test ride. I also ran errands, did laundry, a little shopping and got in a short, easy trail ride and 30 minute brisk walk. All done before the rains came. 

I didn't do everything I'd hoped. (never do) Thought there might be a dinner date somewhere over the weekend, but the call never came. Not really a big deal I've decided. I've gotten to spend time, riding and catching up with some good friends this weekend and that makes me happy. It's going to be too long to wait until end of May for anther 3-day weekend!  Hmm, when to schedule the most opportune next day off? 

Mother Nature was very kind to us here in da Ville this weekend. I hope all of you were so lucky and got out and enjoyed being in nature and spent time with friends. 

I have some friends going through tough times right now. Some are fighting tough battles and other have family doing the same. Sending healing vibrations and much love to you and yours.


19 February, 2011

I am happy. And I think I might have found a house. But something is missing. And then I get sad. I don't want to be sad!!!! dammit.

16 February, 2011

Funny how it goes

Started the day with a smile breaking through so many tears. Releasing something can be sad and freeing, lightening and joyous. 

Long day at work and another where I didn't get the things I planned due to other things popping up. Still not sure I'm caught up from missing Thursday and Friday. 

Physically I'm about 85%. But the temps were in high 60s so I called a friend and we rode through the parks for about and hour 15 for around 20 miles. Good times. There were loads of people in the parks. And cyclists everywhere. All had huge smiles on their faces. Love days like today

Then I met two friends for dinner. We've been "trying" to do this since October and finally met tonight at Cafe Mimosa. My belly is still full of sushi. Good times and catching up and laughs and hugs. 

I'm wiped, in a good kinda way. Ending the day with a smile and so far no tears. Hope you got out and enjoyed the weather. Who knows how long it'll last. But it is February so can't be long enough. :)


14 February, 2011

Fast / not fast enough

people comment all the time, a friend did today, that I am "the fastest, most plugged in person, u r on it. It kinda baffles my mind" Maybe it puts people off...

People email, I respond. People text, I respond. People call, I call back. Maybe it started with work. Good customer service. If it was going to take a while to research, let the person know I'm on it. And it has transferred into my personal side. Some of it is just coincidence, not always.  So I have to remind myself I'm different. Stop getting my feelings hurt when people don't respond. 

Rode the rollers tonight after 5 days off the bike. 30 easy minutes and I coughed for 20 after. Time to get back on track I think. I hope. I looked at all of my power numbers since I started recording. They don't look so powerful. Need to talk to coach and make sure it's not a problem for now.

Beautiful weather is forecast for the next couple of days. Man oh man I hope I can be productive at work so I can get outside!!!  Here's to you guys getting out and enjoying the good weather too.


13 February, 2011

maybe it's more than a cold

because I've not had a cold make me feel this bad and sleep this much before. I woke up at 7 this morning, looked at the clock and laid my head back on my pillow. It was going on 10 before I climbed out of bed. Everything has started making it's way into my chest now. This is NOT what I want or need to happen. A friend called and asked me to join her for a ride. I wanted to say yes, but knew I couldn't. Finally about 1:30 I looked out and it was gorgeous. I put on my kit. By the time I got to my shoes I was worn out. Not a good things, being exhausted from dressing. :)  

I couldn't let this beautiful day go by and stay indoors all day, so I slipped on my comfy knit pants (which probably shouldn't be worn in public) and shirt with jacket and left for a walk. I thought I'd just walk up dog hill backwards and go by golf course and back Willow. The sun felt so good and seeing everyone smiling I kept making it a little longer. Scenic loop was FULL of walkers, runners, dogs on leashes, dogs off leashes in the grassy areas, kids on skate boards, strollers, bicyclists, motorcycles and too many cars going too fast for such a crowd. I saw three tandems and none I'd seen before. Very encouraging. I walked 3.2 miles and it took me 55 minutes. The goal was to walk (not stroll) but enjoy the surroundings while my hips and legs got loosened and warmed up a tad. I actually broke a sweat, but ever so slightly. Now, I'm completely worn out.

I've since gotten home and read of many a bike ride from my friends on the facebook walls. I'm living vicariously through them right now. I learned how to do that some time back. First, when I quit smoking and was lurking on the bike club's listserve. Later when I was recuperating from the broken collar bone. Which leads me to say that I know most of my stuff may seem small, silly, not scholarly or even entertaining. But every once in a while I'll get a note, an email from someone that says I've had an affect on them. So, I continue to not smoke cigarettes (still think about it from time to time), train as much as I can the way coach prescribes, have ups and downs in live like everyone else, ride my bike as much as I can and spend as much time with friends and family as they will allow and write about all of it as it strikes my fancy. 

I hope you got outside and enjoyed some activity in the sun today.


12 February, 2011

it's almost Yad Senitnelav

and I hope everyone that is in a loving relationship remembers that each day should be special and full of love, caring, understanding and tenderness. 

I've been under the weather with this cruddy virus/cold. I've slept tons, drank gallons of water and herbal teas, taken minerals and vitamins and eaten citrus.

I've had lots of time for introspection, contemplation, realization, tried some rationalization and justification (didn't work on me). I am still me on the inside and I forget until the mirror reminds me that I am so much older than I live. My head thinks I'm a lot younger than I am.

I have worried because I've missed work and haven't ridden since Tuesday. The weather has turned warmer and had planned to ride 3+ hours today with more like 4 or more tomorrow. Not gonna happen. Then I worry about not being ready for death march. It's all gonna be fine. I just need to get well and then get the miles in. Shoulder has been good. Back to weight training tomorrow I think.

I am house hunting. Looked at one today. I really like it. So now I'm wanting to make an offer. So scary yet exciting. decisions, decisions  I've been through scary though.  This isn't all that scary.

I wonder about being alone. Whether there'll be someone to share things with again. But for now I'm just going to do my thing and hope I keep my eyes and my heart open.  Some day...

I'm going to train, to try find good people to ride with, race, work, and soon buy furniture


07 February, 2011

slowly starting

to feel like I might be getting some fitness back. Man this has been slow going. I have a ways yet. Pressure point on my saddle and in my shoes. Has to be moving to the road bike. Trainer workouts are easier, but I'm trying to get on the rollers as much as I can. Some days it's all I can do to pedal for over 5 minutes before either grabbing a drink, readjusting how I sit or wiping sweat. 

Have a few new exercises/stretches for the shoulder. Hope they work. It feels great and then I ride and it feels like I fell on it a bunch of times. Give it til after deathmarch, then see where it is. I don't want to see a ortho if I can help it! Just suck it up and HTFU and ride. 

Lots of other stuff going on. Letting go of some things. Not wanting to let go of others. Sending warm love to special ones. 

Long week ahead. May everyone get out and ride as much as possible!


03 February, 2011

at this time I ask the universe for guidance and love I do not want to wander anymore