20 January, 2015

more rambling thoughts



We moved Mom recently to a personal care facility. She was evaluated by the owner in advance and didn't seem to be any issues. Thirty six hours after she was there the owner started calling, saying we needed to medicate her. This has been a theme almost daily now for 2 weeks. We are visiting a new place Thursday. One that is supposed to be better equipped to handle clients with dementia. Last night I cried for the first time in years. I questioned if what we've done is the right thing. But I know we are doing what we believe to be in Mom's best interest. She needs to be safe. I have thought about moving her in with me and having full time caretakers brought in, but I don't know it that is cost effective or feasible given my house. Then I start to feel guilty for not wanting to give up my personal time after work hours. I don't know. I'll do what is necessary at the end of the day. Family and friends come first. 

we've had a few glorious days of sunshine and warmer temps. I've tried to take advantage best I could.  I hope everyone else has too.

peace to all of you

14 January, 2015

Back to our not so regular topics

First, my Sis went to Mom's today and she was much better with no rasping/wheezing from her chest. No hospital yesssss! 

Didn't workout yesterday so I got on the trainer this morning for a 30 minute kickstart. Had big intentions of a 30-40 minute run after work on the treadmill. I got there before my favorite one was taken and I changed to TV to food network (last two times was Fox News and my BP went sky high) Yay me! Well I got in 30 minutes but it was walking due to another asthma attack. 

I need to start recording when I take my long lasting inhaler. I've not been taking it very often. Maybe 3 times a week. Today and a couple of run attempts ago I warm up and run for 5 minutes then the hr goes sky high along with the breaking rate and get into distress. I hoped I could wean myself off but with life stresses I believe that's a pipedream.  I'm also trying to be frugal. Since insurance has changed so much I have to pay full price for prescriptions until my $1,500 deductible is met. Long lasting inhalers run $300 a month and a 3 month minimum through mail order.  (that's for twice a day dosage) so....

Maybe I'll have to bite the bullett and do it. I need to drop major pounds and I know running will do that. I want to enjoy running. Not sure that is a realistic goal. 

I'm so ready to ride dirt again. I can't travel to do it until the van is fixed and that's end of month. There's a trail day at OBW on Sunday. I will probably go there and work. Can't get the bike on the rental car so there's that. 
 
If you know of any new Enduro races please let me know!!!

Enough of my rambling about me.

I have many friends who have lost loved ones recently and there are more with parents that are deteriorating too quickly. Please send loving vibes for them. 

peace and love








13 January, 2015

Aging parents

We've moved Mom from "independent" living to a personal care home. It's been quite stressful for her getting used to a new place. It's also been difficult downsizing from a one bedroom apartment to a bedroom. She had a UTI just before Christmas, but thankfully that has cleared.

Last week she complained of stomach pain and I took her to urgent care. She had chest congestion and Dr said a touch  of diverticulitis so gaveher two   antibiotics. She had a follow up today with her pcp. She keeps dozing off. Has terrible cough deep in chest. Dr did x-ray then ordered CT scan as she suspects pneumonia. 

Any infection in older people can cause odd behavior and if already suffering from dementia that can be increased. 

She was given 16 oz of fluid to drink. I assume was for contrast. Well that was a long and drawn out ordeal. Thirty plus minutes of begging and cajoling her to keep drinking it. I finally asked one of the staff to come and talk to her. 

I realized that Mom doesn't understand/know about motion activated appliances such as water spigots and paper towel dispensers. The changes that we experience and take for granted everyday can be huge puzzles for our older generations 

I'm never sure what decade she is living in. However I believe most of the time it's before the 90s. 

Sitting here waiting for Dr to call with CT results. May need to admit her at hospital may not. It's a waiting game. 

Says not pneumonia and no admittance tonight. Yay  

11 January, 2015

randomness

not a resolution, but need to drop weight as i am obese at this point according to the authorities on that subject and the fact my clothes are too damned tight and too vain to spend $ on bigger sizes.so I am running the dreadmill at the gym at work because I can't run outside in these frigid temps and get asthma except i ran at the gym and got asthma so there's that.  on top of that it seems i never learned to relate properly to others and so i've been unfriended blocked shunned on every social media site there is etc however i've been told it's not a conspiracy but i beg to differ on that point  i want what i cannot have  why do i keep wanting it  must be a character defect is all i can say  went to mom's appt today from 10 - 5:30  and packed and moved more of her stuff Please people purge your stuff so your kids  or whoever won't have to deal with it  Yeah that's a pipedream  I have lots of those. seriously i don't want to go back to her old place again  i'm over it  i'm mentally and emotionally exhausted  so many things and memories and this is the third time we've done this  it doesn't get easier  just sayin'  so now i have some of her things here  and that's cool for now
i talk too much and I say what's on my mind and people get nervous or think i've cornering them but that is not what i intend and so the people i most care about i wind up alienating and there you go
blah blah blah
peace out dudes

02 January, 2015

She's moved

What a surreal day it's been. My Sis and I arrived about the same time. Mom had gotten up late and was still getting dressed for the day. I asked her to sit down and explained what was going to happen. She immediately said she wasn't going. Then I said the Forum told us she couldn't stay any longer. After a few seconds she relaxed a bit and said "it will be what it will be". Of course we had that conversation several times today.

I got her to the new home just in time for dinner (lunch, Mom calls that dinner). She immediately sat down and enjoyed the other's company at the table. The owner said it might be best if I leave, so I left to go back and help my Sis with readying things for the movers. Good thing I did. There was lots to be done even though we were only going to move a small percentage of her belongings. The movers called before I got there and said they finished the first move early. My Sis said she was not ready and wouldn't be until 2. Good thing, because that was right when we had things ready. 

Much more I could write, but I'm weary and overwhelmed with today's and yesterday's events. Maybe tomorrow. But Sunday I go back to her old place to do some laundry and meet any of her grandkids that want to come and look to see ifthere is any of her remaining things they would like. Then I will pack up what I will take and I guess we will call a charity to come take the rest. The longer it stays there the more rent we have to pay. So much money. It's expensive to get old and feeble. Makes me not want to.

End of the day Love will always be the answer. I'm finding solace in some poetry and fresh air.

peace and love to all of you

01 January, 2015

New Year's Day 2015

Not sure where to begin or what to say. '14 started out with so much hope and fun and travel and friendship and building new friendships. then it changed. and it wasn't so fun and friendships waned. This is life. I am grateful for all the experiences and lessons. Someday I may understand most of it, or not.

Today I rode my MTB for the first time in forever it seems. Dec. 14th to be exact. But it's been so sporadic before that. Today felt so good. Started out very cold and it was after noon, about 12:15. The trail was good except for a notorious place that was just wet with drainage. Another spot had some freeze/thaw, but most of the trail is protected with good leaf cover and shade and was good. I was slow. But I wasn't worried about that. The sun shone so brightly. It felt good on my face. I wonder how much vitamin D production takes place when only the cheeks are exposed.  :-)

Tomorrow we move Mom to a new place.  She doesn't know yet. I have tried to not think much about it and divert my thoughts as much as possible. Wonder if I'll sleep tonight. It will be what it will be. She will be in a safer place, with more personal care. I have thought about having her live with me, but I'm not home enough with work (not to mention bike riding and other activities). Life is complicated.  

Sending my best of vibes and wishes to all for a happy, healthy, loving, peaceful and memorable 2015.

peace to all

29 December, 2014

continuous change

It's been one heckuva year. From fun times and traveling with a good friend to the world being turned upside down. Friends that used to be are no more it seems.

Mom has deteriorated over the last months. We are moving her to next level of care very soon. Makes me sad that she is not the vibrant lady she once was. Though at times you can still see a sparkle in her eye and some mischievousness there. She does love her Elvis.

My Heather is expecting in March. It will be so wonderful to have little ones around again. I'm so proud of Amber working hard and now working two jobs to have a nest egg.

Tears of joy and sadness all mix together in this time of what seems to be constant change.

Silly to wish for a shoulder I know.