18 April, 2016

Changing relationships

from friends to acquaintances is not much fun. 

One insists to be my friend but blocks my calls and emails. 

Truly thought they would be there when Mom died, but they weren't. 

Recently have gotten a random call, twice, just to be blocked again. 

My immediate reaction was anger. Now I'm just saddened by it all. 

I'm not perfect and make plenty of mistakes. Reckon that is obvious to everyone. 

More of life's lessons. 

30 March, 2016

Been a while

and not sure I have anything interesting to say. This is more about getting stuff off my chest. You are welcome to close the tab now.

I've gained many pounds over the last 2 year or so. My fitness has waned (understatement). But I'm not giving up, yet. Not ready to quit, though I have toyed with that thought for most of the last 2+ years. 

Right now I'm grateful that I am as healthy as I am. I can ride my bike. Lungs are still damaged and allergies and asthma kick my ass, especially right now. But I can ride my bike. That seems to be my best mental therapy, taking the bike to the woods. There have been many months lately that I just didn't get that fix like i'm used to.

Seems my friends list has gone through some changes over the last 3 years. A metamorphosis is the term I prefer  Wow has that been painful. I'm grateful for it though. I've grown because of it. I've meditated and prayed and soul searched. I realize I am a good person, flawed yes, but well meaning always. I care and support all of you. I will cheer you on no matter what. 

I've become a grandmother. This I cannot describe properly. My heart feels like it will explode when I am with Violet. She is a spitfire and rules the roost. :-) 

My Mom died on January 1st after several years long journey with dementia. Looking back it definitely began much earlier that we realized at the time. I miss her. I've missed her for a few years now. 

I continue. There are days I'm not sure how or why I do. There are many people I've called my friends that didn't come to the funeral or reach out. My eyes opened and my heart has broken many times over. There were a few special friends that have taken time and for them I am grateful and some of them that surprised me. 

I am not one to burn bridges or to say good-bye. There is the knowledge that I cannot know what others are going through in their lives. I  send my love their way. 

ramblings 

I love you
 

15 November, 2015

I never knew

how much my heart could really hurt until after I turned 55. Boy oh boy, it can hurt a lot and for so many reasons.

Love yourself and those places that hurt the worst. Once we can do that and then project love to the reasons the hurt exists the pain fades into nothingness.

Love, love , love, love...

peace to all

28 October, 2015

there's no way to know

how much time we've got. Mom's blood pressure is 220/90 now most the time. She seems to be content. She doesn't want to take showers and I don't blame her. It's not so easy to watch and to make decisions. Sometimes I really hate being a grown up.


18 October, 2015

Nothing good to report here

until there is I will be silent. 

No one wants to read about stuff unless it's happy and optimistic! 

peace and love to all 

31 August, 2015

Betwixted

, grateful yet full of regret as well. Mixed up.

So many are suffering with ailments and loss of loved ones and starvation and worse. My heart goes out to them. I meditate and try to keep optimism alive. 

I feel regretful for being upset about not being able to ride. I wish I knew how to fix these flare-ups, but my life isn't so unbearable. 

This world needs more love and understanding. You can call me weak if you want. But love has the most enduring connection and strong bond.

I have friends suffering pain I can't imagine living through on a daily basis yet still working and providing stellar service to their customers.

Friends have lost their parents and love ones.

Still others are malnourished, homeless, in need of basic necessities right here in my community.

much love to all
blessings and understandings for those that are different from me

peace

23 August, 2015

Grace

So many things. I request assistance from The Sage, Universe, any one or thing to grant me Grace for the foreseeable future. 

At some point I'll be more comfortable writing about this (maybe), but for now that would be in contradiction of grace.  

Love and peace for all