Been a while

and not sure I have anything interesting to say. This is more about getting stuff off my chest. You are welcome to close the tab now.

I've gained many pounds over the last 2 year or so. My fitness has waned (understatement). But I'm not giving up, yet. Not ready to quit, though I have toyed with that thought for most of the last 2+ years. 

Right now I'm grateful that I am as healthy as I am. I can ride my bike. Lungs are still damaged and allergies and asthma kick my ass, especially right now. But I can ride my bike. That seems to be my best mental therapy, taking the bike to the woods. There have been many months lately that I just didn't get that fix like i'm used to.

Seems my friends list has gone through some changes over the last 3 years. A metamorphosis is the term I prefer  Wow has that been painful. I'm grateful for it though. I've grown because of it. I've meditated and prayed and soul searched. I realize I am a good person, flawed yes, but well meaning always. I care and support all of you. I will cheer you on no matter what. 

I've become a grandmother. This I cannot describe properly. My heart feels like it will explode when I am with Violet. She is a spitfire and rules the roost. :-) 

My Mom died on January 1st after several years long journey with dementia. Looking back it definitely began much earlier that we realized at the time. I miss her. I've missed her for a few years now. 

I continue. There are days I'm not sure how or why I do. There are many people I've called my friends that didn't come to the funeral or reach out. My eyes opened and my heart has broken many times over. There were a few special friends that have taken time and for them I am grateful and some of them that surprised me. 

I am not one to burn bridges or to say good-bye. There is the knowledge that I cannot know what others are going through in their lives. I  send my love their way. 

ramblings 

I love you