25 August, 2011

Wondering what it could be

and deciding what it's not. This stupid asthma episode. I've decided is due to ragweed, because it happens every year. I've decided it's not the clothes I'm storing that are permeated with stale cigarette smoke and it's not the guest cat, Cocoa who is visiting for a while.

Wheezed and coughed and choked all day while working. My legs weren't happy and I was getting stiff, so I decided to get out and ride. Ha ha ha by the time I got changed into my kit, tires pumped and water bottles filled I was ready to sit for a short rest. I am so glad I didn't. Instead I was determined to ride, even if it was around the block. I stayed in easy easy gears and rode through the parks. Hogan's fountain hill was the worst but better than Monday's ride. 

The whole time I was riding I was thinking about the children with Cystic Fibrosis and asthma  and the people with COPD and emphysema and I am thankful I am ok. I can afford my inhalers and the Advair because I have health insurance. I thought about the survey results I read today saying nearly 10% of mid-sized or big employers expect to stop offering health coverage to workers after insurance exchanges begin operating in 2014 as part of Obama's health care overhaul. Maybe I should start saving now. Because I know what the retail prices are for my breathing meds. Sure won't be buying anymore bikes or bike gear if I'm spending $500 a month on drugs.

So yeah, I'm grateful for what I have and even more thankful that I stopped smoking when I did. Did you know that smoking contributes to a lot of things but some studies say it is directly related to macular degeneration. My Mother and Aunt are going blind with that one. They were life long smokers.

I'm no prolific writer and I definitely don't wax poetic. I have some friends that have the best writing styles, full of humor and wit or sarcasm. Me, I think most of this is like a journal. There's so much I'd like to write, but need to protect family and friends so I hold back. 

I think too much and worry about things I have no control over. I feel change coming again. It feels big. Not sure what it is or when it'll happen. In the mean time I'll keep trying to stay in tune with my friends and family. I want to be there for them, if they want me. 

Right now my lungs feel more clear than the last 3 days. Maybe I'll get to race that last DINO on Sunday after all. It wont be pretty. Most likely DFL. But that's not the point. The point is doing it and not being afraid to fail. Because not doing it is worse.

peace to all of you and yours
much love your way

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