I haven't taken any Chantix since Wednesday

I was taking half a pill Sunday thru Wednesday and missed Tuesday completely. Maggie mentions that you can buy a pill cutter, I didn't and probably should've. But I got frustrated and very tired of taking the Chantix anyway.

So Thursday was the best day I had experienced to date. Met with my boss over lunch and discussed mid-year (I know we're way past mid-year). All in all it was a good conversation. I had located a client facing opportunity in Europe and he agreed! Several people providing feedback on my strengths and opportunities stated I needed exposure to clients outside of the US. I was on cloud nine! (Prior to lunch I had convinced myself that there would be one reason or another why there was somthing else that would be more appopriate.)

I had dinner with my boss and a former boss Thursday evening. She is my favorite person I have ever reported to. She's a wonderful mentor. We chatted, told stories, ate sushi. It was a great time!

I got home and had a blast online with a few friends. My quit buddy tells a terribly funny story on herself about falling during her run/walk. (Sometimes I have a hard time believing her stories). She wound up peeing her pants after her dog trips her and she takes a hard fall on hands and knees.

Two other friends are in Dallas for a client meeting. I get this email with a picture attached. K took a pic of J following a dinner theatre. An actress is hugging and kissing all over J. What a hoot!

Then, outta the blue I hear about mid-year promotions that came out. I reacted badly, very badly. Didn't sleep all night and dwelled on it way too long on Friday. I puton my workout clothes, packed my work clothes and left for the office at 5:20 am. I plugged in and took off about 6 am for a run/walk to the riverfront. Wish I had run longer and walked less, but I didn't stop even at stop signals. Plan on doing this at least twice this week coming up.

I wanted a cigarette more on Friday than I had for the last 2 weeks. My quit buddy was in meetings most of the day. I walked the block around our building 3 times, by myself. It worked. I didn't want that cigarette because of the physical addiction. I wanted it, because that what I've always done in stressful situations; I've smoked like a freight train.

I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I hadn't found out about the promos. But you know, could shoulda woulda is always the easy rationalisation.

I was wrong, very wrong. I am a hard worker, and I know I have areas for improvement. We all do. I want to be promoted, but wierding out and getting pissed doesn't do anything but make it worse. I hate it when I act like a child. ARGHHHHH!

Stressful times are unpredictable and come in varying degrees of stress. I can get through them without a cigarette. I can, I have, I will not smoke tobacco again. This is my promise to myself. Hell, if I'm lucky, no matter if I ever get another promotion, I live longer. I'll be able to breath, walk, run, ride my bike and enjoy myself.

I got out on my real bike today. I am so freakin' outta shape! I need to learn patience. I went around the neighborhood circle including 2 cul de sacs. I made it with no stops, but my heart was pounding and I was breathing so hard! The front tire is low and I couldn't get the seat adjusted to the right height. Gonna get out on it again tomorrow and try again. About an hour later, I rode my stationary for 15 minutes. I made a conscious effort to work harder than ever.