21 November, 2010

Setbacks tend to wear on one's soul

and I am not one to be a quitter, but boy have I toyed with the idea quite a lot lately.

It's a struggle some days to get to a smile. I have spent the last few days thinking of where I am and not that thrilled with it. Where do I want to be? How do I get there?

Work has lost it's luster and appeal. It's discouraging to watch more jobs lost or moved to far away places. I want that feeling of can't wait to start the workday again.

Personal life is just too solitary most days. So much so that I signed up for online dating. So dumb! It's like shopping and I hate to shop. Anyway, that runs out end of the month. So I've had a total of 2 "coffee dates" over 3 months. Time to figure something else out or maybe it's just that I don't need to figure anything out. I should just stop thinking about it.

Cycling has been the one thing that has kept me sort of sane. I can pedal and the negatives turn to positives. But the racing lately has been disappointing and I listen to myself start the excuse list. I hate that! I wish I didn't worry about how silly I look out there on the course. Oh well, too late and too bad.

I must say though, that there is a large group of ladies, youngsters and gentlemen that I've met that are some of the best people around. Not just the ones that race either. I am so very happy to see their faces each weekend. It makes me a little sad to think there are only two weekends to go and then a long winter to get through. Today I got to cheer for lots of friends. Took pictures that didn't turn out very well and talked to lots of good people.

Still wish I could make some things better. There's a friendship or two that are broken and I just can't seem to find a way to fix them proper.

peace everyone


streamers make me fast said...

You don't look silly! I will miss you too after cx season is over. Do you cross country ski? If you guys get any snow, we could ski Cherokee?

Anonymous said...

Brave. True. But brave.

Sherri said...

@streamers, never skied in my life. If we get snow I'm willing to try.
@anon, what's brave?

Judi said...

you are nuts for thinking you look silly. cuz we race neck in neck and i don't think i look silly. you are riding strong, its FUN.