29 September, 2010

Circles can be broken

and that can be a difficult thing to overcome. A friend and I were talking last night. He mentioned studies that have been conducted about the sizes and numbers of our circles of friends/acquaintances and how societies have born out the facts of these numbers over the years. 

You see we may have several circles of friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances. The closest of which is somewhere around 10 for most people. The total number of relationships any person can maintain is about 150. This can be very interesting and useful for lots of things, especially social networking sites, etc.

I've been thinking about my circles over the last year and a half. My closest circle was small to begin with. Upon my divorce it was shattered into almost non-existence. Everyone loves my ex-husband and for good reason. I lost my mom, sister, and daughters (but daughters only for a short while) and several friends when I moved out on my own. Logically, I understood but emotionally it was and still is tough.

I worked at growing new friendships and growing my circles. Problem was and still is I tend to smother people. I don't mean to, honestly. I'm still Still, learning to be on my own. There are all kinds of people in this world. Many are comfortable being on their own. Some of my new friends are most comfortable being in solitude, even one of my daughters. Without any malice or intent I've managed to push away some of the people I most want to be in my inner circle.

Not sure I have a point to any of this. I'm just tired. I don't want to fall down off my bike again for a while. I don't want to lose another crown/tooth. I'm not looking forward to finding a car for my insurance settlement. I wish someone could let me in on their secret of how to be at ease in solitude. Someday, what I'd like is to have at least one person in my innermost circle that would put their arm around my shoulder or just sit with me for a while, conversation not necessary.

So if I email you too much or text or twit or im, tell me and I'll try to be better.

peace to all

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