20 February, 2015

damned ego

I want so badly to tell it like it is. Call people out. Set things straight. But that's my inferiors whispering in my ear. I should remain calm and quiet and let things happen as they will. I should not concern myself with what people say or how they feel about me.

The last few weeks have been happy. Putting the ego aside and just enjoying the current moments. Those moments aren't all easy. Sometimes a struggle or hard times can still be happy. Working through physical pain. Working through jealousy. 

I am almost 57 years old. Haven't been asked out on a date in well over 5 years. For a long time I wondered what is wrong with me. But that's the wrong thing to ask. Nothing wrong with me. There's just no one interested for now. That's ok.  It's like being a grandparent, not for me to decide. Sometimes just realizing that makes it easier to swallow.

I called Mom today. I miss talking with her everyday. But she has a terrible time understanding some words or phrases. It's not a real conversation at all anymore. She seems to be content, happy most times. 

Violet should be arriving within the month now. I'm so anxious to meet her. See her face and hold her close. All in good time.

I hope everyone is making the best of this winter. It finally arrived in Louisville. February is notorious for being the harshest month. Sure does make Springtime all the sweeter.


1 comment:

Fatmarc Vanderbacon said...

go on you.
one step at a time.
Ego is damn funny thing, often find mine getting in the way...