31 October, 2008

It's so easy to think of smoking

Each time a stressful event happens. I think I've had plenty since last July. My oldest found a lump last summer, then married in September. My sister found true love and married. My Mom is losing her vision and can no longer drive. My youngest daughter just went through surgery to discover that she does not have endometriosis.

My change of life craziness doesn't help at all. Hormone shifts causing weeping moments out of the blue. Some of the time I have such trouble focusing. Wishing for things that I shouldn't.

Work has it's own trials. Too much to do for one person. Just lost a number of good people.

I just had a fantasy of grabbing one of my husbands cigarettes. I'd really like to hold one between my fingers and smell the length of it. It's been over 15 months! I won't do it. I can't. I've come way too far.

It's Halloween and I should be laughing! At least tomorrow I can get out and ride. We are having unbelievable weather again. 70s and sunny with no rain in sight.

1 comment:

maggie's mind said...

I think there will always be those moments when a cigarette just sounds *so* very good, but thankfully it's not nearly as hard as in the beginning. Hope you are feeling better and thinking about it less again.