Getting older and having to be grown up

is not so easy. Mom is slowly failing, faltering. it seems that it is speeding up though. Her spells are more frequent and these not much we can do. Today she went for her walk and abou an hour later was lightheaded and nauseous and felt terrible. I won't suggest no more walks. She seems to get much enjoyment from them. What else do we have but those moments of joy in nature and fresh air?  Not an easy thing to watch loved ones falter. If you pray, I'd appreciate a prayer. If you don't, a sincere thought of peace for Mom is appreciated. Have no idea what the future holds n the short term. However, eventually we all get called home. xoxo peace

Lesson learned?

I give people the benefit of the doubt. For too long at times. If I am your friend I am loyal, sometimes to a fault. But I want to say that someone full of piss and vinegar that is constantly speaking ill of others, that can not give the benefit of the doubt can just stay away from me. I know you've said hurtful things about me, but don't care to know what they are. it's none of my business. And just because I don't want to be around you doesn't mean I don't care. I  always will. I hope no one else suffers from the wrath you hand out. 

And to be such an "animal lover" but kick a kitten. oh dear lord what a sucker we all are.  

That's it. May the ones you've spoken ill  of find peace as I have. May the ones that have heard these words know they are vulnerable too. may those that only hear the sweet and nice words never have to witness the vinegar. 

Lesson learned?

I give people the benefit of the doubt. For too long at times. If I am your friend I am loyal, sometimes to a fault. But I want to say that someone full of piss and vinegar that is constantly speaking ill of others, that can not give the benefit of the doubt can just stay away from me. I know you've said hurtful things about me, but don't care to know what they are. it's none if my business. An just because I don't want to be around you doesn't mean I don't care. I  always will. I hope no one else suffers from the wrath you hand out. 

That's it. May the ones you've spoken I'll of find peace as I have. My the ones that have heard these words know they are vulnerable too. 

Summer '13 ends

well pretty much, except it's not 9/22 yet.  Not the summer I planned. I look at my race schedule and it ended June 9th other than a couple of token Short Track races. Don't want to sound like I'm complaining. Just stating facts. Wouldn't change a thing, can't even if I did. 

Plenty of time to think and contemplate and be crazy (not in good ways). So I eliminated all these foods. And then went to No Beer August which was no fun. Finally, I may have this chronic condition under control for the time being. Can only live now. Tried real hard to stop sweating what didn't happen or what might happen. So between working on my head (a true work in progress) and diet somehow I can now sit on a bike and not be miserable.

During all of this time my weight has increased. I now weigh 10-11 pounds more than in April. Instead of losing the 10 lbs over summer I gained it. So frustrating! Good thing I didn't drink beer in August and ate fruit and veggies for the most part or I would be out of clothing to wear. Let's face it, I am not buying new clothes in larger sizes. That money goes for bike gear. ;)

Once I could stand to walk without any issues I started a "running" regimen. I run/walk and hopefully the walking will end soon and it will be just running. 2.5-3 miles is where I've started. Last weekend was IMLOU and talk about inspiring! wow, just wow watching friends and strangers put themselves out there for anywhere from 8-15 hours. I am humbled. So when I ran yesterday and started to have negative thoughts enter my head, I pushed them aside. I said, "doing good! better than Thursday" "You made it the entire first mile without walking!" and on and on. Riding Monday, Wed and a weekend day is the plan, with running Tues, Thurs and a weekend day. Today was yoga instead of a bike ride though. Can't get too hung up if the schedule doesn't happen. Not like before.

Cyclocross season starts soon and practice started 2 weeks ago. My hope is to attend Wednesdays and get some good efforts in. Doubt I'll race, except maybe one or two later, if the fitness comes along. Not fit now and can't justify the entry fee and travel money right now. I'm attempting to be frugal, for me. I miss my cycling friends. Not seeing much of anyone these days. Not much communication either. That's fine too. Just a cycle of life I hope. It's like a wheel, keeps moving. Sometimes you are on top and sometimes on the bottom and all the places in between. 

This summer has been on the cool side, with few days in the 90s. It's been nice to keep the a/c off and windows wide open.Sure helped to save on the energy bill. Autumn will be here so soon. It's time I get out of this house and around others. Just need to figure out where and who.  :-) 

Happy Labor Day to everyone. Hope yours was all you wanted it to be.

peace

Don't always like what I read

even though I know it has merit. A snipit from a horoscope. Yes, a horoscope.

"Some people you love simply aren't going to be the best for you. There's no point in chasing what isn't going to happen. Be as free and independent today as possible. You can stand on your own with confidence. Find excuses to celebrate with those you like best."

 

Doesn't the last sentence seem to contradict the first? rationalizing 

 

Ladies Monday Nite ride happened last night. No rain! I rode my SS and only 2 other women rode, fast women. I tried to hang on. But lack of fitness and the 20 cog whooped my butt on hills.We met up with another meetup group and finished out our ride with them. Mowed grass just now. Think I'll go "run". More like a hike. It's hot out. 4 more days left til No Beer August is over. Fingers feel better but left thumb is worse than ever. Hope to make CX practice again tomorrow. see how that goes.

 

peace

Grateful

that I can start over again with riding and training. Seems this year has seen many attempts. But this is life

Also grateful for friends, too many to count. Some closer than others and this is good. 

Watched several friends become Ironmen today or repeat the effort.Some  several times over. I admire their dedication. not sure it's it me though. 

I am proud to know these people. Grateful they are part if my life. 

But for the record many other friends are just as amazing for all they do, whether its endurance sports, charity work or dedicated parents and caregivers.  

I am truly rich. and grateful. 

Realignment needed... again

Back to being focused on the journey and letting the outcome happen. Strike that being focused, ENJOYING the journey. 

It is very easy to get wrapped up in the frustration of not being able to do what you want. Damned ego. 

Realignment tends to happen more than I'd like to admit. But right now I'm grateful for where I am. No, not able to ride/train the way I think I should, but got on a bike yesterday and today and just decided to ride. Being off the bike tends to take away the fitness quickly for me.

I poached a ride from a friend (with their permission) and rode gravel yesterday on my CX bike. Flatted early and decided to wrap it up early. Today I went back and rode that ride and made it 18 miles. Took my Scalpel instead. Something about tubeless tires with Stans made me more confident I wouldn't flat, though that possibility is always present especially when gravel is concerned. 

What a beautiful ride it was. I did an out and back. When I gain more fitness I'll do a longer loop. I walked the big climbs. Remembered my inhaler, which I didn't need. Yesterday I forgot it and had an attack about mile 2. Not sure why.

Quite a bit of this ride is shaded. A real plus on a hot day. 

This picture doesn't do the hill justice. It's 7% over 8/10 of a mile. The first (and last) climb of this ride was 9%  over 6/10 of mile. shew-wie. A few places on each are exposed and got quite warm due to the effort and the warm and humid day.

The Ohio river is just to your left on the way out and on your right on the return. It's full of mud and debris after all this rain we've had for weeks. It was moving very swiftly. I took a video but you can't tell so I'll not bore you with it.

There is a large bend in the river, called Horseshoe Bend. I thought I captured it, but I did not. 
This as I approached my starting point. Always nice to have a history lesson.

And no summer trip to parts west of New Albany, IN are as sweet without a stop at Polly's Freeze! Today was Mango Sherbet. YUMMY for my tummy and a few moments of brain freeze as well.

So, this 4th of July weekend has been so very nice. Slept in a couple of days, ran some errands, rode my bike, cooked some desserts for friends and got to see both of my daughters and Mom!

The journey has been good. The destination kept changing. And That Is Okay.

I surely hope everyone had a nice weekend as well. The sun shone today which was so good!

peace and respect