Fitting in

I've wanted to since my first memories of being with others my age. Why is it you want things that aren't for you anyway? Seems this is an important lesson for some of us, right?

From the beginning of riding bikes I have wanted to fit in. I worked hard and I tried, first with the local bike club and later with other groups or teams. Just doesn't work out for whatever reason. And I realize that this is okay and how it is supposed to be. 

The same way I am not comfortable in large groups with several conversations happening around me. I tend to be focused on one person or maybe a couple and in one conversation. Too many people or too many stimuli and I have to leave. 

Last night I watched the local racers ride past on River Road as I started to ride the Big Four Bridge across to Indiana. There were at least 25 in a group. The sound that a group that size makes is attention grabbing, all the wheels whirring like one big engine. A couple of years ago I tried to hang on to that group a few different times, but once they hit the flat with no traffic lights the speed rose above 25 mph and I popped off the back each time. I get popped off the back when I try to join groups in life also. Not sure exactly what that's about, but I remind myself that it's really not for me. It's ok and I have other things I'm here to do. 

As far as riding I've had a big week (8+ hours) for me and then another short week to follow it. Weather hasn't helped and the flareups keep happening, though not as severely recently. A friend suggested I spend more time riding out of the saddle. I think I'll take his advice and work on that. I did try while riding Brown County over the weekend. It's not so easy when there's little fitness and almost no stamina. I'll keep trying though. I don't have to compete, though it would be nice to have the fitness to throw in a race again sometime.

I gain inspiration from all the ladies I follow both locally and around the nation and world. There are so many stories of perseverance and overcoming many obstacles, both physical and otherwise. I don't do well in big groups, but I like people a lot! I ask questions of them. I ask too many questions of some. I've worn out my welcome on at least one, the one I truly enjoy listening to and being around. 

sorry for the ramble, needed to type. hope this didn't come off as a pity pot session, was not my intention. 
peace