14 February, 2012

So, it's 14 Feb

and I've not written much, not ridden my bike enough and not been serious enough about job hunting. I've been a real slacker. So I finally got on the trainer this week and started core work and yoga too. 

Feeling like a big fraud. I talk good shit. I have all of the right words and answers. But when it comes right down to it I'm a big scaredy cat and maybe somewhat depressed and a bit overwhelmed with the fact I'm unemployed at 53 1/2 and single and without a date in almost 2 years. 

I leave for Spain on Saturday to ride my bike in mountains for 8 days. Oh man am I way over my head with this stuff! I know I'll have a blast. I'll meet lots of new people and Get To Ride My Bike!  The goal is to get stronger while climbing hills. 

My oldest came and picked me up today and we went to Mom's and took her to lunch. I got good hugs and kisses from both of them. Then I saw my youngest this evenin' and got good kisses and hugs from her too. Life is good.

Wish I wasn't so afraid of rejection. I want to tell someone how I feel. They already know. But I know deep down they don't feel the same way. sheese   ha ha  

Live today and stop being afraid! I know I'd rather feel the hurt and pain than stop living and loving. 

Have a lot to do when I get back. March will be the time of focus and action to be sure.

not publicizing this post 'cause I'm a big chicken. 

I love so many. I need to find a proper outlet for my energy and love. Before I drive myself totally nutz.  


1 comment:

Allison said...

Have a wonderful time in Spain. We came close to doing an Andalucia tour in October, but just couldn't make the logistics work. Instead, we'll be suffering through 2 weeks in Italy. Italy! I love Italy. Take many pictures and post them, please. I've not seen Spain yet. Stout heart, you're not chicken, you're not. Cut yourself some slack.